hoswald It sounds like you are doing all the right things, now you just have to be consistent and keep going. Don't worry about "too late" there is no such thing. If she tries to remind you that it is too late, don't fall into that trap she's trying to see if these are phony last ditch attempts. Just remind her, these changes are for me, it is never too late to improve myself. Watch how this will rock the foundations of her beliefs about you.
She says she wants help and encouragement, she means emotional support not any actual actions. She doesn't really want you to do anything, trust me I have the same problem. I have at times had to bite my lip and not make helpful suggestions, trust me she doesn't want to hear them. This just makes her think that you don't respect her enough to solve her own problems. Express that you understand her problem, and only really help when she asks. Don't take over for her. Even if she asks keep your help to a minimum, unless again she asks for more help. Counterintuitive I know, but this is why were both in this sitch right?
Giving her a choice to come along is good. I am doing the same.
As for affection, DONT SEEK IT. It [censored] the stereotype is that we don't need affection, but I'm sure you can attest to that not being the truth. Ultimately though she doesn't want to give it and ANY attempts will just disgust make her feel forced, and cause her to resent you more. Be positive, be happy, let her come to YOU. It will suck I know, but will feel heavenly when she does, even if it's just her brushing your shoulder. She will notice too if you stop holding her hand and such, let her miss the small things.
Finally I have heard many times "I just feel done. You need to give me a reason to stay." This to me is a cry for help, and a very positive statement. I translate this as "I want to you to change, I want to save this, but I don't think you can, so I need to protect myself, by telling myself you most likely won't". Prove her wrong!! Keep making changes, and most importantly stick to them!!!
