gb90, it does sound like that is the "reason" for her need to "have an open relationship." This guy who took her without her consent. Maybe there's something further back from that. Only she knows.
So now you DB. No fixing her past. Move forward with giving her the knowledge and experience of being in control of the relationship and sex. This has been pointed at numerous times.
What does she find attractive in you? Have you ever asked her why she liked you in the first place? The "tickle fest" was a great thing. Sounded very positive. It was non-threatening sexually, yet she obviously took the aggressor role quite strongly. She was "in control" (in her own mind) and was able to be this way with you, and yet still not have sex. I would expect that made her feel good.
Her respect to you may end up coming from her knowledge that you accept she is in control of her own sexuality. What you need to be is attractive to her so that she won't go seeking elsewhere. Maybe go back to how you were behaving when you were courting her. She may have found the marriage itself a trap by you to control the sex and intimacy, even though she went along with it.
The eggshells are simply you not knowing what her triggers are. The "land mines" so to speak. Find the land mines and you'll know what to avoid. Then you can stop walking on eggshells and figure out how to diffuse those mines. Your confidence will show through when you are not walking on the eggshells.
