Glad I found your post. I can totally relate to what you are going through and the responses you have received are advise that I am going to really think about.
With regard to the D issues. I was having the similar issues. It started out where H would come visit almost daily for a week then he may see the OW and suddenly stop comming by for a couple of weeks then I would get him to start spending time with us again and then he would suddenly dissappear. When he wasnt around she was having seperation issues with me and would cry if I left the room or left her at daycare. It was a vicious cycle until now for about 3 weeks I have stopped discussing the relationship issues, stopped putting pressure on him and just concentrated on being his friend. He has been around alot and our D is doing great. She even walked into daycare by herself for the first time this week.
Although we are not having sex (which on most days i want to try it just to see if it would make a difference - bring us closer), we are getting along incredibly well, he does tell me he loves me, we are always hugging and have even kissed on a few occassions recently. He does throw out hints he is thinking about coming back and then on that rare occassion he brings up the divorce that has been filed. I have personally changed a lot - read a lot of books - have become a more positive person with personal goals. I know what I want and it is driving me nuts that he wont just take one more chance on us. I always thought I was a patient person until this nightmare became my reality. So please keep posting because I want to keep reading the fantastic advise you are receiving.
