Sandi2, Yes I try t get out on my own to GAL when I can. I plan to go out for a motorcycle ride tomorrow if the weather cooperates. Every other week or so I go out with the friends from work. I need to have a better social network so I have more GAL options. I considered joining facebook, but I always bashed it due to my W's FB obsession and it's impact on out sitch. I thought I'd look like a hypocrite if I joined at this point.
Me 46 W 43 M 17 S 14 D 11 ILYB 9/2010 EA began July/August 2010 ? PA began Nov/Dec 2010 ? I began DB in Jan 2011 I filed 7/12/11 Kids and I moved out 7/30/11 I'm in it for the kids and me.
If you were against fb, then joining would be a good 180, would it not?
OMW, That's a good point.
Me 46 W 43 M 17 S 14 D 11 ILYB 9/2010 EA began July/August 2010 ? PA began Nov/Dec 2010 ? I began DB in Jan 2011 I filed 7/12/11 Kids and I moved out 7/30/11 I'm in it for the kids and me.
Say you WAS had any addiction (fb) that you truly did not agree with and believed it played a part in ruining you M...I don't think it would be a good idea to join or participate in that type of activity. JMO
BITS
M:34 W:28 SD:9 D:6 (pr) M:3 T:6 Separated 1/16/11 ILYBNILWY 10/25/10 PA discovered 11/12/10, began about 10/1/10
I am not who I was, I am being remade, I am new...
W returned from wedding reception around 3 AM. I didn't ask anything other than "how are you?" W started giving me a brief overview of the night: "reception ended at 10, some of us stayed at the bar for a few hours, then we helped transport the wedding gifts to the newlyweds house, then about 8 of us hung out there for a while". I really wanted to ask if OM was among the group of 8, did she have a few slow dances with him, etc. but I kept my mouth shut and went back to sleep. W was out the door this morning at 7 for class.
The wedding she attended was a second marriage for both the bride and groom (her childhood friend). I'm sure it was a nice example to both my W and OM that there is a chance to find love and happiness with someone new after a divorce. I know I shouldn't think it, but last night probably brought them closer, and it seems that the closer she gets to him the more she detaches from me.
Me 46 W 43 M 17 S 14 D 11 ILYB 9/2010 EA began July/August 2010 ? PA began Nov/Dec 2010 ? I began DB in Jan 2011 I filed 7/12/11 Kids and I moved out 7/30/11 I'm in it for the kids and me.
Say you WAS had any addiction (fb) that you truly did not agree with and believed it played a part in ruining you M...I don't think it would be a good idea to join or participate in that type of activity. JMO
Islander, You have a point, my W spent lots of time last summer on fb when she was miserable and felt our M was sick and was hopeless. She searched around looking for people from her past in an attempt to relive her happier times. She found OM and started talking to him about his M problems and things evolved from there. She was looking for something specific on fb and she found it. If I was to use fb it would be for a different purpose and with boundaries.
Me 46 W 43 M 17 S 14 D 11 ILYB 9/2010 EA began July/August 2010 ? PA began Nov/Dec 2010 ? I began DB in Jan 2011 I filed 7/12/11 Kids and I moved out 7/30/11 I'm in it for the kids and me.
I think if you use it for the right reason it can be alright.
Like you, my W used fb all of the time, and I felt that it created more of a problem for us. Instead of talking to me about her day or getting excited to see me, she spent A LOT of time on fb doing those things with her "friends". My W did not meet OM on there, but I believe she exchanged plenty of messages with him and deleted them immediately.
In case you couldn't tell, I am not a fan of fb
BITS
M:34 W:28 SD:9 D:6 (pr) M:3 T:6 Separated 1/16/11 ILYBNILWY 10/25/10 PA discovered 11/12/10, began about 10/1/10
I am not who I was, I am being remade, I am new...
Journal Update: It was a beautiful day outside. I decided to take the kids out of the house and enjoy the sunshine. I was going to take a motorcycle ride alone, but I really wanted them to get out. If I was out of the house I know the W would come home from class at noon and go right upstairs to watch TV and use her phone all day while the kids sat downstairs in front of the TV and computer. I took the kids to mother-in-laws house (they hadn't seen her in a while) so we could return some stuff to her. I get along well with MIL (probably better than W as they have always had a strained relationship starting with my W's wild teen years). MIL has been critical of my W's life choices in the past as far as college (never finished) and career choices. W has some older brothers who are quite successful and she has always been aware of the fact that she fails to measure up herself and she believes are kids aren't as smart, athletic, popular as her brother's kids. She also complains that MIL favors the other grandkids. MIL is a widow and I was fixing some things around the house while the kids visited. I didn't bring up the M sitch since MIL doesn't have a clue. I figured that is my W's job to tell her, but she hasn't yet because W knows that her mom might not react well and will probably say things that W doesn't want to hear. W arrived home to an empty house at noon and texts me "what are your plans today?. I ignore it and she repeats the text 20-minutes later. I reply that we are at MIL's but would be leaving soon to go hike at a state park. I also added "we can pick you up if you want to come". I expected her to decline saying she was tired or had to study, but she said "OK, sounds fun". I suspect she has some guilt over not spending time with the kids in a few days. So we all went to the park together and had a plesant day. One last note: When I look at W now, sometimes I see the person I married (the one I love) and sometimes I see someone I don't want to be with. It seems that the more I detach and GAL the less I want to be with her and the less I care about her and her WAW actions. Is this normal? If I do really good at detaching and GAL will I reach the point where I don't want her back? After all, she has broken my heart many times and I may reach the point where she no longer deserves me.
Me 46 W 43 M 17 S 14 D 11 ILYB 9/2010 EA began July/August 2010 ? PA began Nov/Dec 2010 ? I began DB in Jan 2011 I filed 7/12/11 Kids and I moved out 7/30/11 I'm in it for the kids and me.
Me 46 W 43 M 17 S 14 D 11 ILYB 9/2010 EA began July/August 2010 ? PA began Nov/Dec 2010 ? I began DB in Jan 2011 I filed 7/12/11 Kids and I moved out 7/30/11 I'm in it for the kids and me.
I think I've had those feelings, too, or the concern I won't want her back. I think it's pretty normal. I tend to fluctuate between missing her and not wanting to be with her.
