Journal: I found out a few days ago that W was 2 months behind on her car payment. The car is in her name so I don't track it. The way I found out was kind of funny. I got a call from my sister who said some guy from the finance company called her because he was trying to track my W down about the payment. Apparently my W wasn't returning the collection calls. I can only guess that this clever collection guy just looked at my W's FB page and started calling her friends to use public embarrassment to flush her out of hiding. It worked. I just made the payment this morning. I know gr8 and Starskey will probably give me a beat-down and tell me I should have let her car get repossessed and I should make her walk. But I just couldn't do that. My W needs her car to attend class, take the kids to various places when I'm not available, and do the food shopping, and she is currently unemployed with no income. I realize she also uses her car to go out to bars and sporting events and other WAW pursuits, but I have no control over that. My only hope is that she gets a job soon so she can start to carry her own weight.
Me 46 W 43 M 17 S 14 D 11 ILYB 9/2010 EA began July/August 2010 ? PA began Nov/Dec 2010 ? I began DB in Jan 2011 I filed 7/12/11 Kids and I moved out 7/30/11 I'm in it for the kids and me.
It worked. I just made the payment this morning. I know gr8 and Starskey will probably give me a beat-down and tell me I should have let her car get repossessed and I should make her walk. But I just couldn't do that. My W needs her car to attend class, take the kids to various places when I'm not available, and do the food shopping, and she is currently unemployed with no income. I realize she also uses her car to go out to bars and sporting events and other WAW pursuits, but I have no control over that.
Apparently, you do, and you just exercised it (by making her payment).
I suggest you study up on "enabling," bboom. I know you think you are being "nice," but -- like the enabler who covers for their spouse's drinking, or gambling -- you are NOT doing your wife (nor yourself) any favors by rescuing her from the consequences of her own poor decisions.
Oh, and I don't think it's funny at all. In fact, your kids are watching, and are now entering those years that will form the basis for how they interact relationally and financially for the rest of their adult lives.
Obviously, I have some work to do. It think it's time to read a few chapters of DB again and stop going down cheeseless tunnels. On a positive note, I competed the taxes last night and set up the refund to go into my account. I also set up my paychecks to get deposited into my account. If I'm going to maintain the house and support the kids, I need to have 100% control of every dime I make.
Me 46 W 43 M 17 S 14 D 11 ILYB 9/2010 EA began July/August 2010 ? PA began Nov/Dec 2010 ? I began DB in Jan 2011 I filed 7/12/11 Kids and I moved out 7/30/11 I'm in it for the kids and me.
On my way out with the kids to GAL. W went to her childhood friend's wedding alone and another childhood friend (OM) will also be there alone. I'm trying hard not to think about it and I'm just going to focus on having a good time with the kids tonight.
Several days ago W said "this isn't working out, I should probably move out". I replied that If that is what she had to do then maybe it was for the best. She was thinking that she would move in with her mother, but hadn't spoken to her about our sitch. I waited 4-days then asked W if she had spoken to her mom yet, she replied "no, my mom's been busy". I'm wondering if I should bring it up again? I don't want to push her out the door, although It would be easier on me if she were elsewhere, however it would be difficult on the kids. I don't look forward to when the kids ask "where's mommy, when is she coming home".
I don't know what is harder on the kids, living with 2 parents in our current sitch, or living with daddy while missing mommy?
Me 46 W 43 M 17 S 14 D 11 ILYB 9/2010 EA began July/August 2010 ? PA began Nov/Dec 2010 ? I began DB in Jan 2011 I filed 7/12/11 Kids and I moved out 7/30/11 I'm in it for the kids and me.
Bboom I completely understand everyday I live with the fear that she will use my GAL time to go have that PA she claims to so desperately need. The only thing the both of us can do is keep making positive changes in the hope that they change their mind before it is too late.
My W said she wants the kids to stay with me in the house so as not to disrupt their school routine.
Me 46 W 43 M 17 S 14 D 11 ILYB 9/2010 EA began July/August 2010 ? PA began Nov/Dec 2010 ? I began DB in Jan 2011 I filed 7/12/11 Kids and I moved out 7/30/11 I'm in it for the kids and me.
W just sent me a "how's it going? " text. Really. Should I even respond? She's at a wedding reception that she didn't want me to attend because she didn't want a scene between me and OM. I'm hanging at my parents with D11 because they just returned from a month in Florida. We are leaving soon to pick up S14 from his concert.
Me 46 W 43 M 17 S 14 D 11 ILYB 9/2010 EA began July/August 2010 ? PA began Nov/Dec 2010 ? I began DB in Jan 2011 I filed 7/12/11 Kids and I moved out 7/30/11 I'm in it for the kids and me.
