I have a couple of thoughts racing through my mind right now. The first one being, sometimes when I read about other people's sitch's on here, I feel so much anxiety. Like "OMG what is this happens to me?" When I read about H's having EA/PA. I am about 99.9 % positive that isn't the case with my sitch, but can you understand why I get so fearful? As much as I want to support other people on this BB, I am scared to read what they are going through because I am scared it could happen to me. The last thing I want to do is appear selfish and only caring about what is going on in my life.
Second-I am actually feeling a little bit better today. I am really, really going to try to keep a positive attitude. I know things in life need to change, and I also know that I am sometimes scared to try to change them because I'm afraid of failure.
I'm sick of living in fear. Sick and tired of it. I want to be a confident, independent women. So today I am going to start my journey to become that person.
I made a list of things that I would like to do to GAL for myself, and some of the things are:
Try horseback riding Take a cooking class Take a yoga class Join a book club Try indoor rock climbing
I won't bore you all with the entire list. Some of my ideas will be easier to try than others. Let's face it, I'm a single Mom with 2 boys so money is kind of tight. I'm sure I can make a couple of these work for me.
"Everyone you meet has baggage. Find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack." ¤Formerly DelinquentGurl¤
I made some concrete solution oriented goals for myself today. I tried to be as specific as possible. My goals are:
#1-Stop checking cell phone records period. -Do NOT make this harder then it has to be. Stay away from the website. Pay my bill over the phone to avoid the temptation. This MUST be done for my own piece of mind.
#2-Do not discuss my marriage or the state of my marriage with anyone except: -The DB community - My therapist
-Hearing other people's advice or comments is making it harder for me to figure things out for myself. I know people mean well, and they don't want to see me in pain, but they are hurting me more than helping. Nobody knows 100% what is going on except for H & I. -If people ask, I will say either "Nothing new" or "We're separated" and leave it at that. I NEED to keep this promise to myself. If people persist, I will inform them that I am trying to focus on me.
#3-Positive thinking! This is going to be the HARDEST for me. -When I start to think negatively, I will say out loud "STOP IT!" Or something along those lines to bring me back to a more positive place. -Continue to wear my rubber band, I'm wearing it for a reason. -Write down things I like about myself, and say them out loud.
How do they sound?
"Everyone you meet has baggage. Find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack." ¤Formerly DelinquentGurl¤
Sounds very sound to me. Sometimes less is more if you know what I mean.
You know time will pass, there just is no stopping it but the key is Where will you be when that time has passed.
Will you still be that same person needing their spouse to define them or a strong, confident person that got a bad hand dealt to them.
I think you are on the right track.
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BITS M-46 W-42 M-16y T-19 y s10 s15 BombDec.19/09 Sep-F16/10 Sep Papers signed by W- June 30/10 Recon July 5/10 PA foundOut- Oct 30/10 Mental HospNov/10 moved out Nov/10 Leg Sep Mar 15/11
First things first. We usually do what we know. What you knew was how to be like your mother in some ways. Now you know better, so you'll do better, It will take time and hard work, but, I know you can do it.
Let me just tell you first of all, I was the queen of fear. Still can be at times. The thing about it is it keeps you stuck. It saps your energy and stops you moving forward.
But the thing is, if you look at it right in the eye, it takes away its power. So, what if your h has an affair? Think about it. Picture what it would look like. My h did. I thought when it happened I would wind up in a hospital. You know what? I didnt. I cried, I was angry. But, my life went on.
Here's why. There is nothing you can do about it if it happens. You have two beautiful children who count on you. You are their touchstone. If you are ok, they will be, too. They are watching how you navigate through this.
So, it is important for you to contine on your journey. Become the person you were meant to be. Dont worry about what ifs.
I like your list. I like the new mindset, too.
DG, you will get through this. I promise. You know how I know? Because you survived an extremely difficult childhood.
You just keep putting one foot in front of the other. You follow your path. You will be glad you did.
I will tell you this. You can get down on yourself, but I see an extremely confident and intelligent women. You have all the tools to succeed. I have no doubt you will.
Enjoy your weekend!
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
I can't begin to express how much this place has become my home for the past 2 months. As hard as this journey has been, I have met some truly outstanding individuals. I am so thankful for that.
Brooklyn, I don't know if you know this but I was married once before, to my kids' father. We got married at 20, divorced by age 25. I didn't learn nearly as much as I should have the first time around other than 20 is too darn young to get married! But we had our 1st son at 18 and tried to make the best of it. I don't regret it, because had we not gotten married we never would have had our 2nd S, who is such a bright light in my life. They both are.
Again....this group is amazing. Absolutely amazing.
"Everyone you meet has baggage. Find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack." ¤Formerly DelinquentGurl¤
Yep, you will meet some pretty amazing people here. I still boggles my mind how much people you dont even know are willing to help.
Yes, you were too young to get married. I am a firm believer in everything happens for a reason. I have seen it proven true time and time again.
Your first marriage brought you your children. The most wonderful gift you can get.
You are so very early into this. This is a very difficult road. It is not for the faint of heart. But oh, will you grow and learn.
The most important thing I took from all this is that I am worthy. I am a good person who loves unconditionally. I know without a doubt that my mother and my h's opinions about my worthiness were unfounded. I have worked hard to silence their voices in my head.
They can still get in every once in awhile. But I now have the tools I need to get right back on track.
Just so you know, my reputation on these boards are that I am a soft touch, I cushion my 2 x 4's. But I am not above telling it like it is when necessary.
I am also very honest.
I will tell you that it is in your best interests to read and then reread what Mach writes to you. He is very good at getting one to think.
You will be ok.
It is important to remember to take care of you. Eat, rest, sleep, exercise, pray if you are so inclined. And the sooner you can detach from what your h is saying and doing, the better off you'll be.
It's all a process. You get there when you get there.
