Survived another day. Today came home to a very pleasant gf. She said she wanted to just chat, and grinned at me a lot. Fetched me a beer when she was up on her feet without me saying anything and was really pleasant. I even had a hug.

I asked her how she was feeling about counselling on Monday. She said she was still angry with the counsellor but felt OK about going to it. I asked how she felt about me having backed off totally in terms of contact and time and she said she felt a lot less guilty. It was all light hearted and quite pleasant. She's now out for curry with her mates. There had definitely been more direct questions from her in the last few days about what I've been up to and who with, and what I've talked to them about.

Is this decrease in guilt good or bad? I'm still swinging madly between hope and despair. This morning I felt terrible and was scared of driving home, yet when I got here, it was actually very decent. I guess she could've invited me for dinner, but I don't usually do that after a 12 hr shift anyway.

Reality is that which, if you don't believe in it, doesn't go away.