Thanks for your reply. The OW has already told her kids what is happening because her H had said no contact with my H, my kids, or me after learning about the EA. Our kids are ages 13 and 16. My H went to a sporting event for the OW D13 which caused OW H (boy this is getting confusing) to go bullistic and start saying "really ugly things about my H, is he stalking a 13 year old?, etc" so the OW "had" to tell her kids "what was going on" because she did not want them to think that my H was a "bad man." She has told me on more that one occasion that my H is a "good guy." Apparently neither one of them can see that a "good guy" would not seek to cheat on his wife or break up another womans marriage. My H is all for telling my kids so that they can make an "informed" decision about how to feel about everything and not hear about it through the gossip mill. OW has asked her kids not to say anything to my kids because she does not want to hurt my kids. Not sure how there will be a gossip mill if they are not seeing each other in public. (Which they are not, because this is basically a game to OW. It is making her feel as if she is special) All of this has happened since my H approached OW again. I really think the OW and H are both in MLC based on all of this. What adult plays these kind of games? The kids have not been hanging out with each other for a couple of months.
I am actually not mad anymore - really at peace since I have had my suspisions confirmed. I really thought I was losing my mind with the "gut" feelings I was having and that just added to my stress. I am just not playing the game by their rules. I don't want to drop down to their level. If they do not have a "plan" for a continued relationship I would be greatly suprised. It is all part of the game my H and the OW are in at the moment. They are bringing the kids into a situation that is way to grown up for them. My H is the kind of person who will not back down from a decision he has made - period - right or wrong. He is living in a different world. Asked me to please leave him alone as he is trying to study for a promotion exam and all of the drama is distracting him. I have not contacted him for the last three months except for things dealing with the kids. The confession came out of the blue with no promting from me - though he did say I had been pressuring him and he just wanted to tell me the truth. I guess the OW was doing the pressuring - I had no idea I was going to be told any of this until he called and started talking.
My talk with my kids is going to have to happen so that they do not get the "sugar coated" version from my H. I am not going to be ugly or try to interfer with their friendships but my kids need to know that they are not being rejected by their friends because of any actions my kids have taken. They need to know that OW H has forbidden any contact. BTW - my H said that he would continue to see OW kids no matter what anyone says or thinks. (The Alien is a very odd person) It is going to get ugly and I have no control over that end but I do have control over how my kids find out and feel that I need to be there to answer their questions and let them know that I have no ill feelings toward their friends, that all of the children are victims of this situation. That they are not at fault and that we will get through this together.
My appointment with the lawyer is not until next week so I will have time to clarify things in my mind. When my husband left we did have a conversation about paying for the bills. He offered to pay half of the mortgage, the car insurance, and the cell bill. At the time I was employed so that worked. In the last couple of months he has had the cell account blocked so I cannot "check up on him", I had not been doing that, and had the bill forwarded to his po box. He has also had the car insurance bill forwarded to his po box. He made a statement about money still needing to be deposited to pay the mortgage but has been paying bills out of his account - the cell and the car insurance. Our health insurance is through the company he works for so if he drops me, I will be uninsured. I don't have "proof" of a lot of things but the snowball is just rolling faster and faster and I need to protect myself and my kids.
The email that I have from my H where he lays out the timeline for the EA also has language that is basically threatening to me if I do not leave the OW alone. I have had two conversations with her since his confession and neither were confrontational and she contacted me. My H is way out in Alien land and I truly feel that he has a new life planned for himself and OW, at least in his mind. I am not sure that the OW is aware of that but would be willing to bet they have had converstions of "what if."
I know that my H is out of control - I am going to let him spin. It is all I can do. It is not my place to try to fix what is happening. It is my place to try to lessen the impact on myself and my kids.
