confused bolt

[Bolt]

I am so thankful for this group. It's helping me not only try and figure out what to do but also understand what is going on.

I 100% see this is MLC. Her parents were divorced when she was 5 (her sister was 8) and her mother abandoned them. She was forced to basically fend for herself. Her dad was a great father/mother but she missed out on the nurturing that a mother can give.

I can see this MLC started rearing it's head when we lived in Dallas when her mother moved close to us. I didn't think much of it then but now I can see where it started.

I also see the major triggers now. My perceived infidelity, my loss of a job, my not being the best husband.

Now I do know what to do. FOR MYSELF and my kids. I don't want to be the kind of husband who takes his wife for granted. I want to cherish her and adore her. I want her to feel loved and special - something my W says that she hasn't felt from me in a while. She even says that I've constantly made her feel small.

I now see that this is really bc of her mother.

I think also that a lot of these outbursts have happened bc of the influence of her mother. When she is influenced by her father and a very good childhood friend, she is the person I've known and want to know.

My concern now is I truly want to help her. I want to give her the confidence, the praise, the love BUT I also know (or think) that it's the wrong thing for me to do.

That's the part where I'm confused right now.

Now that we have actual court dates that seemingly, neither one of us want to deal with, reality is here.

We're both just going to have to see what tomorrow brings...