Thanks for the clarification. Okay. I think you are on the right track with making some more permanent situation boundaries. Seeking the lawyer's advice is not giving up, just protecting yourself and the kids. You sound sane and clear thinking, but very, very angry. Who blames you? We've all been there.
The best advice I could give you at this point is do and say nothing from a position of anger. Back off, give yourself 24 hours, and then re examine the motivation for any action. It will protect you from self damaging moves.
As to informing your kids, think about that very long and hard. They are very small, and are not only losing a grown-up they love, but their best friends to boot. This is a lot for them to process. Daddy and ______???? I completely understand your not wanting contact, but try to do it in a less obvious way, perhaps? Steer them in other directions when they request playing time. Distract them with new things and adventures. And remember, above all, this is not the fault of OW's kids either. They will be as confused and upset as you and yours. If you can get through the hurt enough to let the children continue their friendship, perhaps only at your house, by all means, do it. If and when this ever comes out, there will be plenty of hard feelings to go around. Be a bright spot in her kids memory, as well. It's asking a lot, I know. Think it over before having 'the talk' with the kids. JMHO
