As of my last posting, I have made an appointment with a lawyer. At this point my H is still supporting us, but I am going to make that official. Since he left he has been depositing money in our account to cover the bills except for last month when he paid some of the bills out of "his" account. This is a major red flag to me so I am getting the lawyer involved now.
As far as the OW, she and my H are living in a fantasy world. He did not approach her until he found out that she was having marriage issues. She likes the idea of having my H in the background while she decides what to do with her marriage. I have had conversations with both OW and H. The OW is not willing to do anything that will upset her current marriage but is loving having my H pant after her. This has actually been going on since April of 08, when H approached her about an affair and she turned him down. They apparently had a year and a half of "no contact" but when H found out she was having marriage problems he stepped up to let her know that he would be there for her. Neither one of them seem to realize that 08 is three years and the year and a half they confess to leaves a year and a half to fill in. (BTW - I have all of this documented in emails from both H and OW which will be given to the lawyer) I am sure that OW has not confessed to her H that my H has approached her with the fact that he had feeling for her - just that she felt a connection with my H. It is so highschool. They are both getting a high on the "forbidden" relationship.
I have been through all of the DB processes without any response from my H. At this point he is a WAS. I have been through the heartbroken, weeping, clinging stages, etc. I became a person I did not know and really did not like because of the actions of my H. But I am back, got the book and started working on me and have had hope until the confession. My H has been stringing me along just enough to keep the hope alive and the door open. His confession has freed my heart. I am not willing to be his "backup" if he is not sucessful in his attempt to win the OW.
I have been concerned about the legacy that I would leave to my children as far as what committment to a marriage means. It is sad to lose the dream you have always had of your future, especially when the one person you thought you could count on no matter what, turns into someone you do not know and someone who you can't even have a sensible conversation with. The legacy that I want to leave for my children is that sometimes you can do everything in your power to make a marriage work and not be sucessful but that does not mean that you have failed.
My life has changed completely since my H left. I was laid off the first week in September so am only receiving unemployment - a drastic change from being the main bread winner in our family. I have gone back to school to receive a nursing degree, I have been an accountant for the last 20 years, so I am making drastic changes for me. I truly believe that God has put me in the place I am so that I can live the life he has in store for me. As sad as it is I would not have had this opportunity if my life had not imploded. I would still be working day to day just to pay the bills at a job that did not give my any pleasure but did pay well. I had three job offers within hours of being laid off.
I still love my H, but have gotten to the point that I can say if we are meant to be it will be, but it will have to be a completely new relationship. I can love him but I can also let him go. He has damaged his realtionship with our children to the point that they really don't care if he see them or not. The damage to our relationship is not repairable. It is so strange, he almost treats me like I am his mother but on the other hand treats me like I am his enemy. I am not going on the rollercoaster ride anymore.
My children are unaware of the OW situation at this point, but I will tell them after the meeting with the lawyer. The OW is someone they really like as she has been in their lives for several years as the mother of their best friends. This is going to be hard for them but I have no responsibility for putting them in this situation.
It is so nice to be detached enough to be able to function without having "what can I do?" thoughts. I am still angry and hurt but have gotten to the point that I know there is nothing that I can do or could have done to prevent or change what has happened. I am focusing on me and my children and letting my H do what he feels he needs to do without being sucked in. It took a while to get to this point but I can honestly say that in the end I will be a much better person.
My H will be completely suprised by being served with any paperwork because he does not realize that I am back to being me. He thinks that all he has to do is come back and I will be there waiting for him and we can just pick up where we left off. I have told him that is not the case but he is so far gone that he can't understand what I say.
I hate that this is happening but I have finally gotten my sanity back and am moving forward.
