>You task--finding out what works for her to trigger the >attraction. Who else is she attracted to (stars, for example). It >might not be super easy for you to figure this out, but she has >left clues throughout your marriage. Dig deep.
I'm trying. We've even had good discussions about "well, why did you marry me?" and a lot of it was that I made her feel special, that I communicated well, ("my fantasies are about men who talk!"). And of all the physical/immediate attributes that I have going for me, she only really complimented me on my voice (this actually led to some major "bedroom friction" between us... I felt like she didn't find me attractive physically, where she saw me ignoring her needs because I wasn't talking enough--I really felt put on the spot, like I needed to do erotic creative writing in an improvisational setting while simultaneously being, er, actively involved).
She also wants someone who will "notice what she needs" and provide it (backrubs when she's tired, see when she's had a bad day and listen, see when she's done something cool and cheer, etc). She wants someone who would be her "biggest fan and best cheerleader."
...which is great, except that she refuses to let me give her back/foot rubs, never does anything I can cheer for (mostly stays in the house all day watching movies and texting her online friends) and if she's had a bad day it's about the relationship, which is murky waters at best and disastrous to discuss at worst!
I'll check out the referred threads. Completely baffled still on a daily basis.
