I agree with MHL. There's no need to pay attorneys any more money than you have to. In my situation H/XH's attorney did things to rack up charges (H/XH told me this and this appeared to be the case from the outside as well). H/XH's attorney also pushed H/XH toward D.
If you and H are on speaking terms it is best not to involve other people in this conversation. They will only serve to muddy the waters. This is one of the points where all of your DB'ing can pay off. You have been kind and generous with H. He will hopefully choose to show some consideration for you.
If you meet with H to have this convo you can read the non-verbal cues he gives you.........but I think that if you choose to discuss this with H yourself, you should do it in a setting (i.e. phone, in person, in a public place, at your home, etc.) in which you feel comfortable.
