Standing for my live-in MLC'er/WAS

[angel61]

Hey, I was so serious! V, you're irreverence cracks me up.

But we always did pride ourselves with being Catholic... we go to church every Sunday and D goes to Catholic school. However, we were never big on Bible reading and all that - more of the motions, but almost everything in our lives - asking for a child, guidance on what our next career move was to be, etc. was through prayer. That being said, it makes divorce not just as a personal decision but a moral and religious dilemma as well, with repercussions on the whole family.

One thing this sitch has taught me is to have more faith...to be more spiritual... and it has really helped me get through the pain.

It was actually D who one day after she told me about the cutting, came into H and my room and asked for her rosary because she wanted to start praying. I recognized that she is making an effort to identify right and wrong with regards to her actions. Thus the opening was made towards getting her to be in touch with her spiritual side. I just followed through.

Not to say that we don't try to do things together. I think this cutting episode made my H try to reconnect a little more - we did go on a wine tasting day last weekend with friends, we have had several little get togethers with friends in the past couple of weeks, and we are going on a 10 day vacation to our home country, 16 hours by air, by next week, to meet up with family and friends and go to resorts, etc.

No board games for us though .... H never ever did that in his whole life. Sports is also not one of our strong points. Food and travel and wine - now we are talking.

Regarding D's opening up to me, I think I know why: she actually was offering me a way to keep my pain in to preserve the status quo. She told me that me not being able to keep it in, she said that me showing my pain was hurting her and the situation. She sees me as the one who will give up on the M because of my hurt and pain. She of course does not know that it was H who had brought up D or S as I never told her about that, although in the end it was also H who could not accept the finality of a D and always backs out when I rise to the challenge.

D also sees me more as a friend, it is H who is really more of the parent. Not good I know but that is how things are, but I am trying to change that and be a friend and parent at the same time.

But maybe for this particular situation it worked well.

At the end of the day, all I could say is that if your are with God, what could be wrong with that?