Hi DG, my friend Mach asked me to stop by and I now know why. Forgive me for not reading all your posts.
My mom was an alcoholic. She passed away 10 years ago. I had a horrendous childhood because of it. She never had a kind word to say to me. For a lot of reasons. I will go into it if you need me to.
I then married a man who was very controlling. Nothing I did measured up.
Here's what I know now. Two of the most important relationships in my life were people who I allowed to make me feel unworthy - for almost 50 years.
I dont feel that way anymore. For a lot of reasons. First, I found a good therapist. I went on antidepressants for a time and because of some very special people on here.
Here's what I learned. That people like us, who feel that way,need to find people who mirror back to us something different than what our mothers and in my case, my h, did.
We need to find people who see us for the people we are. And I needed to forgive them. They did the best they could. It really wasnt about me at all. It was about them and their insecurities.
It took a long time and a lot of hard work for me to get to where I am now. But, oh boy, was it worth it. Still not all the way there yet, but, miles away from where I was.
So, if you are not seeing a therapist, try to find one. You might need to go on meds for a little bit. And if you do, it might take a few tries with different ones. Doesnt make you weak to do it, it takes courage.
And you have to work on changing your mindset. Pray, read, do whatever you need to.
And start to realize that you are so much more than just a wife. You have children who need you and love you, friends and family that do, too.
Your children are watching you. They are watching to see how you are handling this. They need to see you come from a place of strength. They need to see how to navigate through life's challenges. And they need to learn it from you.
So, try to remember that you are important in this world. You are worthy and special. All of us, each and everyone of us are.
Silence the voice of your mother in your head. Find new mirrors.
Start today to try to figure out who you want to be. Look at people you admire and see what it is about them that want to emulate. Figure out those things you want to change.
And then, everyday, strive to be that person.
Some days you will be, some you wont. But that's ok, as long as you try.
The changes you make need to be real. They need to be for you.
And it doesnt hurt that your h will see this new DG. One who is confident and positive.
Pick one thing. I went back to school and got my associates degree at 50 years old. I learned how to fix things in the house. I never used to travel alone or drive very far. I do now.
I showed my son that sometimes life isnt very fair, but, that doesnt mean you can give up or rise above it.
So, DG, what are you going to do just for you this weekend? Even if its just a new haircut or new hair color.
