I will be resuming a family tradition tomorrow with my kids.....
Tomorrow the kids and I will board a boat as we cruise down to the Caribbean and slow down for a while. Before the bomb we would take a cruise every spring break.....we really enjoyed it as a family..........it is something we will enjoy again!!!
I can remember back in the begining thinking that my life will forever be changed that I will always mark my life as "before the bomb" and "after the bomb".......
not so,
Life will return to normalcy if you let it and you move past that terrible time in your life.
In fact, I refer to that time more as a time of self discovery than I do as a time in which my XW went absolutely crazy.
She is still in the middle of MLC. No doubt about it and I still am exposed to some of the crap, but it does not affect me now. If you have kids you are somewhat forced to interact with the MLCer unfortunately, just the way it is.
The kids are doing okay, I think my S10 is starting to let go of the idea that Mom and Dad may get back together one day. I know that as my relationship with the woman I have been dating since December progresses he sees that as the signpost in the road that says "Dad has moved on". But he also sees a happy Dad and he knows that Dad tried for a long time to make it work with Mom. I hold my head high, I have no shame nor guilt in my decision to have a relationship.
My D14 has stopped going over to see her Mom about 2 months ago, and is back in therapy but she is doing well. My D14 opened herself up to her mother once again and once again got hurt. Her Mother's MLC very much affects their relationship also. What is really sad for me to see is that my XW does not even try. She does not call our D14, does not reach out to her, does not text her....nothing. It is hard to beleive that my W and my daughter's mother once occuppied that body.
She is gone.....forever, we have mourned her passing and we are getting on with life without her.
I limit my contact with her and my daughter has absolutely no contact with her. I don't think that my D14 has set eyes on her nor spoken a word to her in over a month.
A couple of weeks ago my XW called me to ask me for help in making a connection with our D14.
Because I am done and have moved on, I don't mind what I say to my XW other than to be calm and respectful.
I told her what our D14 was feeling and how her actions and words cause pain to this day and that the longer she lets it go on the more pain it causes our D14. My XW listened carefully without interupting and I thought that I would see some effort from her but it was not to be. She is still in full blown MLC, she never attempted to call, write or do anything to re-establih the relationship with our D14.
She has dark days ahead of her.
As for me, I have never been happier. My new job is going great and I am in a relationship with a woman I care deeply about. She lives about 1.5 hours away and I see her a couple of times a week. She has 2 kids that are a little older than mine and I have been around her kids and her around mine.
When we return from the cruise all of us are going on a weekend vacation together......it will be the freakin' brady bunch...LOL.
Life does return to you if you allow it.....it does take time.
I am not resentful about the time it took me to get to where I am today but it did take time.
I still deal with MLC and will continue post as I do have to interact with my MLC XW, but now it is not within the context of trying to restore a marriage that is dead.
I don't know if she will ever wake up, part of me does not think that she will, what is different now is that she is no longer a part of my life, and that is okay.
On another note.......I am still thinking about a name change but to be honest I will probably just keep it or if I do anything it will just be MHL. I will think about it on the cruise whilst I sip a corona and listen to a little Bob Marley!!!!
Rise up this mornin'; smiled with the risin' sun. Three little birds pitch by my doorstep Singin' sweet songs of melodies pure and true; saying, "This is my message to you-ou-ou.”
Singin': "Don't worry about a thing, ‘cause ev-ry little thing gonna be all right." Sayin': "Don't worry about a thing, ‘cause ev-ry little thing gonna be all right!"
Always remember.......
Life is Good and it is Good to be Alive !!!!
Cheers
~C
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
