Divorce As Catalyst For Excellence.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Jack,

I feel that you and faith are on to something but I am unclear about some things that you have written. Please help me understand.

She said she needed a break from you, and yet she called you.

You're not doing what she asked for.

And you're probably thinking:

"But she started it."

What are you thinking I was thinking that she started?

That because she contacted you after telling you she needed space, it was 'Game on!' Pushing your own agenda.

Her email / text:

Michael,

I believe in order for me to be true to myself I need to be disconnected from you. Not forever just some time to really figure out what it us I need and want!! To be single not trying to start over with you again!

That means not meeting with you anytime soon even though that is real tempting as well you know how much I like to escape reality and be somewhere warmer and beach and fun!!

I want to be truly single go out with my friends maybe even on dates not that I'm ready for that right now but I want you too to date and see how things feel!

I still believe we aren't meant for each other are relationship took too much effort more than I think a relationship should take!

I'm gonna try to nap before I get the kids you can call me a little after 5 if you want I'll be driving to work.

I will always love you and care for you and you will always be one of my best friends!

Talk to you later maybe love your L----.

You responded, to some effect like: "OK."
Not sure, but unless I am wrong you accepted her wants.

Bold items are the more or less, charming and not entirely "I accept what you said yesterday" comments. Despite her calling you first...you responded like you wanted to prove her wrong.

Excerpt from our chat this morning

M: How was your night?.

L: Really slow i am super tired started my period today bleeding heavily and was unable to sleep today when I tried i was thinking too much.

M: sorry to hear that.

L: yeah im use to it ill be fine .

M: you already are fine! very fine indeed! YOU started this flirting with her, as long as this text is verbatium, this is not disconnecting, kind of the opposite. And you know your wife so you have a good idea how this was going to play out. Remeber she just yesterday wrote:

I believe in order for me to be true to myself I need to be disconnected from you. Not forever just some time to really figure out what it us I need and want!! To be single not trying to start over with you again!

So...the flirting, not living up to acceptance.



L: thx i wish i felt fine tonight.

M: I'm thinking of you like the finest wine maturing and become deeper and even more delicious with age.

L: That is true but these working nights are bad for me and my aging processes lol.

M: yes they are.

L: i'm thinking of taking a 30 minute break to nap .

M: sounds like a good idea.

L: yeah it sure does as i sit here and yawn one after another did you find a new truck or apt.

M: lol. don't make me think of your mouth opening.too sexy.

L:· hahahahahahahaha.

M: I've decided where I'm going to get an apartment which was a big decision, I'm in no hurry to get the truck but I'll definitely buy a Ford.

L:·where.

M: · <omitted>, for now. It's a small town a couple hours outside of <omitted>, nestled between mountains and a lake. Not forever. Just for now. hell I want to move in with you now.

L: sounds like you a good place for you that is

M: yes.

L: I am happy for you i hope we can find our true happiness

M: I've already found mine. you will find yours I'm sure. Did you really?

L: well i guess you are always finding things first thats ok i will find my truth i have faith. borderline-praise

M: I love you L----. How is she going to move on if you keep saying this?

L: i love you too michael xoxoxo.

...
I snipped the rest

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My job is to patiently change all of those beliefs, because it is her beliefs that are driving her behavior.

You're job is to change them only for you, and not her.

So now I am listening and paying very close attention to her, which is what she always wanted.

Are you following through with what she wants. Hell I can listen to my wife tell me she wants me to pick up milk at the store 18 times a day, I can even pay very close attention to it, but if I don't pick up the milk, it doesn't really matter that I listened to her and paid attention to her.

And I am not forcing things anymore, which is also what she wanted.

No not directly, but sideways you are. See the bolded parts in your responses, you are pushing.

What's most important is the way I feel about myself while being committed to my path.

I agree.

Have I / Am I compromising myself by keeping my promises to a woman who is not keeping her promises to me.

Yes.

Uh oh.

EXACTLY.

Busting, just my take, man. That's all.