From small beginnings come great things

[2stepboogie]

I think you missed your calling as a story teller.

One thing that does stand out to me, she continues to say "I'm not where you are". Probably because she isn't!

I know your D now, so there is no busting, you are now courting the women that you love. I think you did great, but now she has to let all this sink in for a bit. Hopefully she calls Jody, and hopefully she reads the book. Both could really help her.

Just remember how far ahead of her you are. Don't push too hard, she needs time to catch up.

This is great advice country and you are absolutely right. She is not. This is a point I have made over and over. They are not where we are because we have taken different roads. She has moved on her journey in a different direction because everything I have done has been in the hopes of saving my M and with her in mind. Along the way I started to look at myself more and more but the beginning of the journey is what makes the difference beacuse it is what determines in what direction we are heading. She has been working on detachment and moving on without me in her life. I started wanting to save my M and wanting both of us back together so that determines what we do along the way.

I had 2 goals in my trip.

1. Gauge her (how detached she was. If there was anything there)

2. Depending on my first goal get her to start to shift the direction she was traveling towards hope for us and to talk to Jody. I think I accomplished both.

Hope this makes sense.

2step,

Good to see you back...

Something in you is different in these last few weeks...

A change... a peace...

It is nice to see.

Keep being genuine and always try to be better...

It will be interesting to see what life brings your way...

Cat: Nice for you to notice. I am in different place than I was in say Feb or even March. I imagine in Jul I will be even better. Funny how that works, even when we fight it we heal. Hmmmmmm

2step

Man what a ride huh?

Understatement of the century. If this was a carnival ride i would ask for my money back.

I heard her saying "I am not where you are"

AND

That you expect her to be on YOUR timeline.

Is this more of the same from your M?

She is not where I am and I understand the comment of the timeline. It is a part of the old M and I recognize that part when she says it. Obviously I miss a lot of the convo sometimes when I post, it is hard to believe but I am a machine, what I do post is what I do remember but when she makes comments like that I realize that I am imposing my will on her.

What do you think she wants from you right now?

In one word?

Time.

I was working on the assumption or the timeline that I could stop the D. I did not. Therefore I have no time table any longer. I wanted to leave with the door open. I think I did that.

I have to agree with TG here. All is not lost.

She is willing to read the 5LL and do 3 sessions with Jody. She could have easily said, no thank you. I know she hasn't done either yet, but things are at least moving along in a positive direction.

You posted this about my W in one of my threads.

She is crying because she is hurting, you don't hurt for people you don't care about. How many tears did you shed for the dead in Japan?

As CS said, she has a lot of catching up to do. She is processing everything in the sitch and how things have played out thus far. Her life isn't a bed of roses now that the D is final and she still finds herself unhappy.

I feel like you are doing the right thing by moving on with your life as if XW is no longer part of it. This might be the time (on her time) that she realizes that 2step is the best option for her. That's my hope for you anyway. If not, you will still have a great life.

It's funny how our own words come back to bite us. LOL. She is not where I am. Will she get there? Who knows? I am moving forward. Goal one 1=stop the D result failed. Oh well. Nothing left to say at this point. The 3 sessions will hopefully put her on the path. If you take the road to nowhere you are sure to get there. I hope all I did was a leave a sign post for her.

2step, How can she not KNOW that you are the right option?

Now we have only seen the positive 2 step, the one that is kind,smart and patient.

I dont know what you were like before but although people are capable of change, I cant see that you were a total pr1ck in the marriage but I guess one never knows.

Like everybody is saying, I dont think you are too bad off. There is no OM and she questions her decision big time.

Just a matter of time 2 IMO.

Stay the course dude.

One thing. She KNOWS for sure you want her back obviously. Maybe stay away from talk about remarrying, even in jest the way you say it. I think she wants you to honor her decision to D because it was a huge decision. Let her have her D but start with a new R. One were marriage isnt in the equation.

Maybe you never Marry her again but you stay together outside the legal paperwork.

Just food for thought.
9

9 Well I will share an email with you i ran across last night from my XW just don't show it to anyone OK?

P.S ( I don’t know why, and I will go through with it because it is for my family, but having to ask for medication because I make my family unhappy is completely and utterly humiliating to me, it makes me feel like a failure, and unneeded, I realize that apparently it is necessary but it doesn’t change the way that it makes me worthless.) you don’t have to respond I just had to tell someone.

OF course this is only part of the email but it is from July. The signs were there for me to see in time to save this thing. I did very little. I saw it from different glasses. The blinders have been lifted. Now is it too late. Only God knows.