The hard part is that I want to communicate with her ONLY regarding the kids. Why can't the kids be separate from the crap we are going through?
Then do your part to make this happen.
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I'm having a very hard time knowing another man is in their house. He's cooking them dinner, hiking with them in the park, playing with them, taking them for ice cream. This is a guy that THEY JUST MET! and he is seemingly taking my place.
Focus on what you can control, you've got some work to do and it ain't letting your mind run wild with this.
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I did talk to FIL yesterday and this morning. He has always been a very easy going yet fair and honest man. He reached out to me yesterday and I was very appreciative. I told him that I'm sorry this all happened but he had to believe that I did everything to make this work. He did agree to that. He was also very upset that his daughter was saying bad things about me to the girls. I told him this morning about another man living in the house and he was very upset.
What's done is done. He know's where you stand, leave it alone. There isn't a damn thing he can do about this. Been there done all that. That's his daughter, and even if he doesn't agree with her, in the end it won't matter.
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I don't know what to do.
Listen man, KIDS....Custody. Get moving and nevermind the other crap right now. Take care of this first.
it is not 50/50. She lives 90 minutes away and they are in school. She has denied me days.definitely It is 100% up to her right now. I have no say.
You most certainly do have a say. You have to stand up for yourself. NO ONE CAN DO THIS BUT YOU.
You may have to move closer. It's not one hundred percent up to her. You request more time and make an attempt. If your denied, walk away don't get sucked into ANYTHING and then go file a police report (no need to make a scene, do this on your own afterwards) and see a lawyer ASAP!
Ok. Not so good. I can't help thinking about all of the lies now. She told me that my oldest needed a tutor in math. That's why she took over $1000 out of our account (that has been closed now). We never discussed the need for a tutor and I thought we were coparenting at the least.
Co-parenting is most likely out the window for now. The best you can hope for is to parallel parenting. One set of rules there, and one set with you. Hopefully, the align somewhat...
Originally Posted By: Bolt
I emailed the teacher and asked how my D was doing and she said she was doing fine. So now I don't believe a word my W says.
MLC stands for Manipulate, Lie, Cheat....
Remember that, and you will be fine....
Originally Posted By: Bolt
I'm having a very hard time knowing another man is in their house. He's cooking them dinner, hiking with them in the park, playing with them, taking them for ice cream. This is a guy that THEY JUST MET! and he is seemingly taking my place.
Don't let those monsters in your head out to play...
Truth is, you have no idea what is happening.
You are their Father Bolt....NO BODY will ever take place of that. NO BODY !!!
Not everything is as it seems.
Originally Posted By: Bolt
I did talk to FIL yesterday and this morning. He has always been a very easy going yet fair and honest man. He reached out to me yesterday and I was very appreciative. I told him that I'm sorry this all happened but he had to believe that I did everything to make this work. He did agree to that. He was also very upset that his daughter was saying bad things about me to the girls. I told him this morning about another man living in the house and he was very upset.
Easy with this Bolt....Blood is still thicker than water.
He is not your support system. He is not a fly on the wall for you to get information from.
This is still his daughter you are talking about. Think of how you would support your daughter, poor choices or not.....
Originally Posted By: Bolt
She's losing everything right now. I want to take those girls and save them but short of going there after school and taking them, I don't know what to do.
I hear you but the big problem is I live too far away. Should I try and move closer?
My funds are nearly depleted. I want to get them here but then that would entail getting them into another school. Or do I just take them to CA?
No you can't take them anywhere outside of where they've been establish. None of us here are lawyers. Speak with one ASAP. Let them know your situation and focus on what you can do legally about getting equal parenting time.
I am not going to reiterate what everyone else is already telling you.....
I will offer you this.......kids are alot smarter than we give them credit for. They see through the bullsh!t and lies and in the end it will cost the person that is telling the lies.
My daughter was 12 when the shat hit the fin in my sitch. Her mother told her so many lies and my daughter was wise to it right from the "get go".
Sounds like your oldest is already onto the lies.
Try not to worry about what your W and MIL are saying.....it will come back to haunt them.
You need to be the rock for your daughters to lean on right now.......you need to be calm and collected......their whole world has been turned upside down......they will gravitate to the parent that has not gone absolutely batshat crazy.
Your kids are old enough to make their own judgements about you and the kind of father you are......make sure your actions and words support that image they have of you.
Think about how their mother looks to them now........
I am not saying to speak poorly of her or anything but just think about how they view her. They may not say anything but they are thinking it. Show them how to face adversity, to rise above the situation, be the parent they soooooo desparately need right now......even if you are 90 minutes away you can be that MAN!!!!
No matter the outcome of your M, your children will remember your words and deeds during this time.
Hang in there.
Cheers
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
you guys are definitely great. Thanks for helping settle my mind. I know this will all get better. I know it will.
It will.
Sorry to harp on the custody thing but it is so important to get that taken care of. After that, you don't have to much of anything as far as the legal stuff goes, you're gonna have some time.
