I made myself take a shower and get out of the house. I am currently at the library on their computer, if anything for the change in scenery. Being cooped up all week has not done anything productive for my spirit.
You know, I think I understand why some people commit suicide. (and before everyone jumps all over me for saying this, let me assure you that I am NOT suicidal.) I can emphathize with their pain and it being so great and feeling that death is the only option. However, the thoughts are irrational ones and I know it is a permanent fix to a temporary problem. No, I am not even remotely thinking of anything along the lines of that, I'm just pointing out that I think I understand.
I honestly don't know what to do with myself. I have no idea who I am without my H. I know I need to figure that out, but I am scared. Terrified. That is what my problem is, the fear of the unknown. I don't know how my story is going to end and that scares me. I want a happy life with my H, and I hope I get that chance, but I get scared with each passing day that we are apart our chances of reconciling are slim to none. I know, I know, positive attitude! I don't have a positive attitude. I always assume the worst. I am saying the same things over and over again. I realize this.
"Everyone you meet has baggage. Find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack." ¤Formerly DelinquentGurl¤
