The only way that I have made it this long through the Limbo Stage is that I know that my wife was very unhappy for many years and she did not leave. I am also hanging in there for my kids. As I have said before, my 18 months is nothing compared to her 10 years.
I do want exactly the same things as you, to have this constant black cloud removed from over my head, to get rid of this nagging sickly feeling in my stomach every day, to just be happy, to come home to my wife and know that she is happy to see me etc.
I am also realistic enough to know that this is something that I cannot have at this time. In fact, I am beginning to believe that it is something that I will never have unless I leave the marriage. This is something that I am not prepared to do at this time.
Although they appear to be happy, I cannot believe for a second that our wives are content with this non-physical and non-emotional relationship. They want more, but they don't want us to be the ones to provide it.
The only thing that keeps me going at this time, is that the longer we are in Limbo the more time that passes between the old me and the new me. The longer she can see that the new me is here to stay and that my changes are permanent, there maybe a better chance of her wanting to restablish the relationship.
I think the changes that we have made also creates alot of distress for them. We have taken away all of their reasons for wanting to leave. Their only argument now, is why did it take so long for you to change?
My wife and I were watching a TV show one night and part of the story line related to one of the characters who was about to meet his mail order bride for the first time. His friend on the show asked him "what are you going to do if she doesn't like you?" His response was "If that is the case, then I am going to be the best possible person that I can, I am going to do nice things for her, treat her with respect and dignity, give her space and time and maybe one day she will change her mind".
