What she is doing with them isn't morally right, in most of our minds. It is not what we would do, and certainly not how we envisioned raising our children.
Is it legally right ? I don't know for sure. That is why you need to see your lawyer as soon as possible.
Most settlements I have seen, strongly word that the other parent needs to foster the relationship with the other parent. Most of the time, that means to just keep quiet.
You have told the girls that this is between their Mother and you, now let your actions prove that to them. They are going to learn about adversity by watching how you handle it...
You aren't always going to like what she does, or approve of the way she parents. That is something ( and the hardest thing) that you are going to have to realize, you cannot control.
As long as it doesn't physically harm the girls, then you have to let it be. The emotional aspect, will have to be dealt with sooner, rather than later here though.
Is what she is doing right ? ..... Probably not
Does she have a legal right to ? ....... I don't know
I stand by what I have said though, you need to document EVERY THING and present it to your lawyer.
File for a temporary custody agreement..
Get a Guardian appointed for the children....
And go from there.
You also can't let fear keep you from doing what is right for them though.
I had to say a quick prayer after reading your situation.
All I could say is document everything, your W and MIL have really gone to the dark side.
Be very careful with your anger, or anything you say, as this could be used against you.... who knows what she is thinking.
Me:49 H:45 D:12 M:14 T:18 Bomb: 6/26/10 EA: 9/3/10, fizzled out slowly, now ??? 11/5/11 Retrouvaille Finally piecing.... Its peaceful at last, but we got a looong way to go
I'm also getting the blame for things. My sons are almost grown and they really don't want much to do with my W. Of course, it is my fault for "brainwashing" them against their mother.
To MLCers, we (LBS) are evil and wrong.
Strange days buddy. Do what you think is right.
Tad
Currently: M 57 XW 58 Sons 39,34,32,30
The Sitch: Married 26 years EA w/ OM 9/10 Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary) Sep 12/10 She wants D 1/11 W files 5/11 D final 10/11 XW marries OM 6/13
Hopefully by now you've met with your lawyer. The main focus should be your kids. I'm not all caught up with what's happening as far as that goes.
Is there any sort of custody agreement between the two of you at all right now?
Has she or does she deny you seeing the kids?
I know this is tough and scary man, I don't want to add to it but this is probably the single most important thing and it really needs ALL of your focus.
Forget about your R right now, and no I'm not at all saying giving up or tell her to eff off. Just worry about that later on down the road. Who know's what the hell is going to happen anything is possible.
Right now you need to make all the effort you can possibly make to see your children.
The clock started ticking so to speak once you two separated. Most of the time the court will look back to that time. They will look at who is taking care of the kids and how often.
I can't stress this enough man! Get something in place and filed in writing when it comes to custody ASAP!!!
It's different in every state but the majority of the time the court will look back to the time of seperation on up to the present day. They will look to see who has the kids the majority of the time and try to stick with that to prevent disrupting their lives any futher. (as f@cked up as that sounds, it's what happens)
See what I'm saying? You get those kids as much as you possible can right now. You can't expect to have them a day or two here and there for the next six months and then walk into court (if it comes to that) and ask for joint custody. They are going to look at you and go "where the f@ck have you been for the last six months?"
So Bolt, forget all the other sh!t right now and focus on this, get something in place as far as custody goes (in writing and filed with the court) and like Mach said DOCUMENT this crazy [censored]. This needs to happen like yesterday man.
Make every effort you can possibly make to get the kids an equal amount of time. Overnights are key. They are what count.
If she denies you the kids, you file a report and call your lawyer. Period. You can't let your fear get in the way of this either. You have to make every effort you can to see those kids right now. This is THE most important thing you have got going on, everything else takes a back seat to this.
Dig deep brother, you can do this. One day at a time, one thing at a time.
but what can I do without an attorney? I'm trying to get a hold of mine but she hasn't returned a call in a day. I want to just take them and keep them but I don't know what to do!
m 40 w 38 married 15 together 18 d11, d8 bomb 12/19/10 2nd bomb 3/30/11 COMPLETELY DONE
Ok. Not so good. I can't help thinking about all of the lies now. She told me that my oldest needed a tutor in math. That's why she took over $1000 out of our account (that has been closed now). We never discussed the need for a tutor and I thought we were coparenting at the least.
I emailed the teacher and asked how my D was doing and she said she was doing fine. So now I don't believe a word my W says.
The hard part is that I want to communicate with her ONLY regarding the kids. Why can't the kids be separate from the crap we are going through?
I'm having a very hard time knowing another man is in their house. He's cooking them dinner, hiking with them in the park, playing with them, taking them for ice cream. This is a guy that THEY JUST MET! and he is seemingly taking my place.
My stomach is in knots about this.
I did talk to FIL yesterday and this morning. He has always been a very easy going yet fair and honest man. He reached out to me yesterday and I was very appreciative. I told him that I'm sorry this all happened but he had to believe that I did everything to make this work. He did agree to that. He was also very upset that his daughter was saying bad things about me to the girls. I told him this morning about another man living in the house and he was very upset.
She's losing everything right now. I want to take those girls and save them but short of going there after school and taking them, I don't know what to do.
m 40 w 38 married 15 together 18 d11, d8 bomb 12/19/10 2nd bomb 3/30/11 COMPLETELY DONE
but what can I do without an attorney? I'm trying to get a hold of mine but she hasn't returned a call in a day. I want to just take them and keep them but I don't know what to do!
You can't take them and keep them, but you do your damndest to have them on an equal basis.
Do you and your w have anything put in place? If so is it 50/50? (overnights)
