Divorce As Catalyst For Excellence.

[Busting Mode]

I am thinking she needs to know I will not be with someone who not keep her word or who is willing to work with me.

I think she needs to know that before we could ever be together again these things will need to be addressed.

[Busting Mode]

I am thinking she needs to know I will not be with someone who cannot keep her word or who is unwilling to work with me.

I think she needs to know that before we could ever be together again these things will need to be addressed.

[Busting Mode]

MODERATOR

please delete post #217250 (duplicate)

thanks

[Busting Mode]

correction: #2147250

[Busting Mode]

I am thinking she needs to know I will not be with someone who cannot keep her word or who is unwilling to work with me.

I think she needs to know that before we could ever be together again these things will need to be addressed.

I am also thinking the only one who really needs to know that right now is me.

I don't have to say a thing to her right now. She already has all the rope she needs to hang herself. Or to save herself.

Que sera, sera. Whatever will be, will be.

[Busting Mode]

I always think it's funny when people quote themselves and here I go again...

My actions are correlate to the way the circumstances are occurring for me. The circumstances are only occurring for me in language. When I put the language I've been using aside, anything is possible.

Including taking action to create more opportunities to speak to my wife in her primary love languages of quality time together and physical touch.

Including the possibility of putting all this blah blah blah aside and shakin' a leg with my wife.

Ya feel me, Dog?

Beyond knowing that she is unhappy, the WAW has 3 beliefs:

She believes she knows me.
She believes I will never change.
Because she believes she knows me and that I will never change, she believes she can never be happy with me.

My job is to patiently change all of those beliefs, because it is her beliefs that are driving her behavior.

So now I am listening and paying very close attention to her, which is what she always wanted.

And I am not forcing things anymore, which is also what she wanted.

Will it be enough? How knows? THAT ISN'T WHAT'S MOST IMPORTANT!

What's most important is the way I feel about myself while being committed to my path.

What I am up to is creating a life I love for myself regardless of whether or not she ever changes her beliefs about me.

I just happen to believe it will, and I am still committed to the path of creating more opportunities to speak to her in her primary love languages of quality time together and physical touch.

I am certain if I give her time she will want to explore that with me again, even after, and maybe even especially after being with another man, as long as I am confident and clear within myself.

But if I try to force her, or if I am not confident, or if I am unclear, then we will never stand a chance.

Thinking about all of this too much now, so I'm gonna take a break and get back to enjoying my day today.

Hope you all make the most of yours as well.

[Still learning]

Busting, hope you are doing well today.

Much of what you wrote reminds me of things I've had to learn also. I've found a lot of similar stuff in Taoist principles - I'm not promoting any particular philosphy; heck, I'm totally unqualified for that and finding my way as well - but you wrote:

The only thing I believe will work will be my commitment to the path without attachment to the outcome. Maybe not an easy path, but it's one that feels good to me right now.

this is classic eastern thought....Taoism, zen, etc. I've found that it happens to be mostly consistent with the DBing principles.

[Busting Mode]

Still,

Thanks for writing. And I totally agree. Many eastern ways are consistent with the principles of DBing. Plenty to be learned about ourselves in both.

The only thing I disagree with is that you are totally unqualified.

You are still.
You are learning.
You are finding your own your way.

What could be more zen than that?

[Jack_Three_Beans]

I really think you should put some thought into Faith's advice.

The interesting thing is:

She said she needed a break from you, and yet she called you.

And here you are being charming, and dashing, hell man I want to flirt with you.

You're not doing what she asked for.

And you're probably thinking:

"But she started it."



Yeah she did.

So what?


Like up to your word, but more importantly, live up to yourself.

The promises and vows we make to ourselves when no one else is around, those are the hardest ones to keep, but those are the ones give us real intergrity.

Compromise yourself?
That's just the first step in a long series of bad mistakes that compound like loan shark interest, and tough to get out from under.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Edit -

Like up to your word

OR Maybe:

LIVE up to your word.