BITS, Thanks for the support and kind words. I have considered the fact that it is truly impossible to know what she is doing. In hindsight, I do kind of regret bailing her out. I guess I should have let her suffer a bit more, but my feelings for her are still so strong. We were we together, I couldn't stand to watch her in pain, suffer or be scared of anything. I just can't turn that off even as she makes a fool of me.
My plan is as follows:
1) Proceed with the D. I have an appt on Monday with my A to finish up the paperwork and get the thing rolling. I have to give her what she wants even if this will be one of the most unpleasant experiences of my life.
2) Stop reacting and start relaxing!!! Instead of getting fired up and upset when she does this, I will just take a breath and adjust my plan. Who knows what she is doing? She could be setting me up. She could be just out of her mind. Who knows? But, if I act like an ass, I will surely never get the answer to the riddle.
3) I will continue to read, research and focus. This is all I can do. After I got over the initial anger of what she did, I went back and read some of the old posts by Denver and 2step. If you notice, their wives did some of the same things. They even said some of the same things. I think my W if following the script as all good WAS's do.
That is my plan for now. I will continue with my work on myself and in the gym. I will continue to try to cut down on my drinking and spend more time with family. I have a wonderful family that has supported me from the beginning. And, I have the BITS. The best support group in the world!!
I still wish her luck in her search to find what she is looking for. Somewhere inside, I do still love her as much as the day I married her.
BITS never walk alone!
FOBD
Hello FOBD
I've been divorced for 4 months and 9 days.
Your words hit home with me friend.
You have a good plan. No matter what you do...you can't fix, solve, or control THEIR life, actions, or decisions. You can only focus on your path.
The cool thing about this is you get to find a new you or possibly enhance to a better you.
The more you lead and the more you focus on you, you change the dynamic. They want you to be there, they want you to suffer, they want you to feel it, they want you to fight it, some even want to see it just to see you be different from the way you were.
Best thing you can do in a fight, if some someone is pulling your "hair", instead of fighting against it, you move towards it. i.e. Kung Fu. Take her offensive/negative/aggressive energy and either deflect it, enable it, or subdue it. In other words move with the flow, but until you lead it, they wont feel $h&t.
