Hank, your W is wanting the good times (family outings, Church, BD parties) and occasionally ML (if she's in the right mood), but she doesn't miss you. That is the part that concerns me. I agree that this calls for a lot of patients on your part and I think you need to space your visits and the "favors" you do for her. Remember the first thing we learn in DBing was to be less available? She can't have everything on her terms.
Of course she likes having her independence! She doesn't feel guilty when it's your day with the kids b/c that frees her up to be footloose without having to give any answers about her where-abouts or anything else. I can understand that. I think a lot of women would like to have a few days like that, but it doesn't look very nice for a good wife and mother to be like that, and some people might not think as highly of her. But, if she's S from her H and he has the kids, well then, that makes it okay (in the eyes of some)for her to do whatever....she choses, whenever she choses. After all, she's footlose and fancy free.
As long as she feels you are smothering her, you do not need to move back in with her. I'm not saying that everything has to be perfect before going back home....but on this one thing....don't go back as long as she has the need to go to parties without you or feels that you are spending too much time around her and she needs a break. Red flag, my friend.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
