W: I don't know H What do you hope to accomplish? I am not sure what you want from me. What do you want from me?
At this point I was a little confused.
M: Well nothing. I mean if I have not made myself clear on my feelings for the past 5 months I guess I should pick up a third language. I am here for two days if you want to see me in those two days good if you do not I am sorry but I understand and I won't.
W: Well I just don't know what to do. You showed up and expect me run back into your arms and I am not where you are at right now. I made a decision and it was the scariest decision I have ever made and now you want me to go back on my decision because you are ready. Why weren't you ready 7 months ago? Now that you are ready now we should do things on your timetable? We get back together on your timetable because you decided I am worth it NOW?
M: Well look XW I don't know what to say. I have said I am sorry a thousand different ways. I have made an effort here during the M, during the separation and even after you gave me the news on April 1st. I screwed up. I got it. I have owned it. It is very easy to get rid of me. Do you want me to stop? Do you want to move on? Do you love me?
W: Yes I do
M: Well then it all comes down to a choice. Pretty simple really. We can choose to continue our lives in separate directions and eventually we will both be fine or we won't. Start again with someon new so that we can make all new mistakes with someon new?
W: Why now? Why are you so ready now?
M: I have been wanting this for months. You will never see what I have gone through in the past 5 months I did not wake up one morning and say 'oh i get it' no it has been a lot of work. I am sure you have done your work. You asked for time I have given you time. You wanted to the D I gave you the D. You looked for closure did you find it? You can accuse me of many things but of lack of trying? No. I don't think so. Can't I accuse me on not trying. I have tried. We both made many mistakes. We have a chance here to correct it or not. I am still here
W: Why are you using your angry voice?
M: Oh sorry did not realize I was. Sounds like you are telling me to use my inside voice.
W: Well I must not have been that bad if you trying so hard.
M: Well I must have not been that bad either if you are still talking to me.
W: You weren't all bad we just stopped being good. You don't understand how much you hurt me.
M: Yes actually I do. You don't think I am hurt? You broke my heart XW. I have as much to be angry at you about as you do me.
W: Yes you do but you broke my heart first.
M: Ok I broke it first and you broke it second. Both broken hearts. So now what? We give up? I am going to stop loving you because some attorney that get's paid to divorce people says I should or some judge that I don't know from adam decides I should. Pieces of papers. They mean nothing. You told me about the D 6 days before my trip. I could have cancelled my flight at anytime and not came. But I am still here. You left. I am still here. You filed. I am still here. You D me and I am still here.
W: Well so am I! I am still here too. You don't think people say break off contact. Stop talking to him. I still do.
M: That's my point. There is still love here. You have admit it and so have I. I have surrounded myself with a group of people who encourage me who lift me up. I have hope for us because we are worth it. Because you are worth it and so am I.
W: I don' have the support system you do.
M: What about your mom? Your sister? Your friends?
W: Mom some, sister is busy with her own life and friends have their own problems. I keep all my emotions bottled up and just go about pretending life is great. Some days are ok some are not so good. Then you show up and all those emotions come up again.
M: It is a lot easier to dislike me over the phone. It is so much easier to create a scenario in your head of how bad things were then you see me and what? Turns out things were not as bad as you thought.
W: I am not saying it was all bad but you bring up a lot of feeligns. I don't cry until I see you.
M: Look this is obviously an uncomfortable situation for you. I am not coming over tonight. If you want to grab something to eat tomorrow night fine. If not that's ok also.
W: I just don't know how to forgive and forget like you do
M: Forget never? Forgive yes. Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. I forgive you. Whether you choose to forgive me or not is up to you. I hope you do but if you don't then you don't.
We talked for a little more. Throughout the conversation she brought up different things that I had done in the past and for each one I had a response and a reasoning behind it. I still validated her feelings because I do understand them but explained the reasoning behind my actions without attacking.
One more part of the conversation that has been mentioned a million times
W: I asked for you mom to move out and your answer was no
M: 99 out of 100 times you would of asked that and the answer would have been yes. You know that. How many times did I not want to do it and you would talk me down. You always said it was fine don't say anything, I took you for your word and I did nothing.
W: Yeah but I did not want you to resentment later for it. How do I tell your mom to leave without you resenting me?
M: Well if you knew how critical our M was more than I did then you should have. How can I resent you? How many have I not said it is YOU and Daughter that is it. I have 2 brothers and a sister and my mom could have stayed with them at anytime.
W: Yeah but you should have done that without me telling you. You should have.
M: Well sweetheart among my many talents unfortunately mind reading is not one. If you tell me no then I believe it is no. Just for record my mom left 2 weeks before you did. I had already told her she needed to go. She happily left. Do you remember that?
W: yeah I guess she did.
M: Yeah She did
Amazing how something like this she had blocked from her mind.
That is the general convo. Pretty accurate actually.
The next day which was Tuesday she called right when she got off work but I will update that day on a separate post.
