Cautiously optimistic

[~¤DG¤~]

Maybe.

I guess I wonder why I keep trying. In the end we probably won't be together anyway. I'll be 34 years old and divorced for the 2nd time. What does that say about me?

I give up.

[jbnati]

Keep your chin up! You're seeing the positives. Hang on to those.

[~¤DG¤~]

I'm trying to, I really am.
I don't know if it's because I haven't been feeling well and have been cooped up all week, but today is just a really emotionally trying day.

I broke down and sobbed in the shower, and also on my way home from the clinic. I just feel so sad.

Sad and alone.

I cried to God to help me, that I don't want to hurt anymore, and to give me a sign that He is listening to me.

How does this happen? How does this become of 2 people who love each other so much?

Am I ever going to have a normal, healthy relationship?

[~¤DG¤~]

My life has changed so much in the past 2 months.
I'm grateful for the wake up call, I really am. But sometimes I feel like saying "Ok God, I get it. You can lighten up now."

[bboom]

DGirl,
I think you need to force yourself to go out and try to have some fun. I dug myself into a hole of self pity and despair at one point and I had to crawl my way out and dust myself off. The hole is still right next to me, but I'm fighting not to fall back in.
Get A Life.

[gr8 day 2B alive]

Am I ever going to have a normal, healthy relationship?

DG,
The good news is you will have a better, healthy R in the future.
The bad news is it's going to time time to heal yourself from this tragic event.
It is a process we all have to go through.

Focus on your half of the M that was not healthy, start there.
Improve your relationship skill with you family and friends first.
Read, learn self improve.
Set goals for yourself.

It all starts with you.

[~¤DG¤~]

I do try to go out and have fun. When my kids are with their Dad I am out almost every night spending time with friends.
I've always been a negative, pessimistic person and have always assumed the worst. I know I'm willing it to happen.

[gr8 day 2B alive]

Change your mind set and you will change your results.

[~¤DG¤~]

How do I do that? Seriously? How do I change my mind set?
I've been trying for years.

[~¤DG¤~]

Journaling------

No word from H at all today, except to ask me this morning how I was feeling.
I know I shouldn't care, but I do.

I went to the Dr today to try to figure out why I've been feeling so crappy, and turns out my blood sugar is low. That would explain the weak feeling and not having much energy.
Tonight I made dinner for the first time in like, ages, and actually ate. Quite a bit. I've lost almost 25lbs. In 2 1/2 months and I don't feel healthy. Something has got to give.

I also went for a walk tonight with a friend and that felt good also. I've been cooped up pretty much all week and it has been very hard on me emotionally. Too much time to think.

I seriously don't know how to not make this about him, and about me.