Standing up to the punches

[gr8 day 2B alive]

There are some issues i wanted to iron out before i sign these papers. I know the final act is still pending, but it does seem like the end today. It is still very confusing in my mind. Should i pursue her after this or should i just drop.

If these issues are omprtant to YOU then I would say, yes, persue them.

Is this the girl i want back in my life?

Will you be better off without her?

[Redo]

I think it is so funny. We were married for 11 years and lot of stuff happens. It is very strange that only after wife started the divorce process did i actually start looking back at how i let myself get treated by wife and her family. It is pretty bad actually.

my MIL has a habit of fainting when something overwhelms her. Wife has always blamed me as a main reason her mom faints because she says that i cause too many issues in the family. I never took it offensively. But now i am.

Every single time we had an issue and when wife told her parents, her parents would call me up and tell me to 'just adjust and not rock the boat'. I always compiled. Now i am thinking that was the reason my wife thought that everything she did was the right thing.

Even when i told my wife to just show some respect for my parents in front of them and if she wanted, she could bit*h about them with me, she preferred to treat them crappy, told me to get used to it and later on told me that i could not get depressed about these issues. )&*)&*???

I guess that is why I am rethinking if i should even bother. I read that some qualities of people just don't go away. I am working on all my issues. But if wife refuses to even recognize these issues let alone work on them, then whats the point?

I dunno. I am rambling right now.

[gr8 day 2B alive]

I think it is so funny. We were married for 11 years and lot of stuff happens. It is very strange that only after wife started the divorce process did i actually start looking back at how i let myself get treated by wife and her family. It is pretty bad actually.

Awareness is the first step. Now don't allow them te=o treat your that way any more. Set your boundaries to protect yourself.

Every single time we had an issue and when wife told her parents, her parents would call me up and tell me to 'just adjust and not rock the boat'. I always complied. Now i am thinking that was the reason my wife thought that everything she did was the right thing.

WOW, 3 people telling you how to act!
It's easy to think your right when you have others thinking the same way.
How's her parents M going?
Does her mom control her dad?
I'm guessing yes.


I am in the same situation as you are right now.
The thing is,
I told my W she has issues. That only when she ready to address them will there be a change.
So admitted to me she knows she needs to work on things and said she would be willing to discuss them with me.
I haven't decided if I want to open that can of worms.
If I do it will be b/c I want my kids to have a good mom.

Not to save the M.


TCB with the contract.

I am moving forward in the same direction.
If she wants to join me in the ride of life, she will have to do a lot of checking up to do.
No looking back.

[Redo]

WOW, 3 people telling you how to act!
It's easy to think your right when you have others thinking the same way.
How's her parents M going?
Does her mom control her dad?
I'm guessing yes.

Yup, FIL usually goes with the flow.

Thanks Gr8. Yup, everytime i think that i'll have to move along and if wife is interested then she should decide, i get scared of 'what if wife does not...' and i capitulate to her feelings. Yup, i do have ways to go to work on myself first.

[gr8 day 2B alive]

See the pattern?

The way we were in our M is the way our parents were.
We learned R skills from them.

Our P's didn't have the tolls like we do today(interent forums) to help them.
So, MK, be thankful to know you are going to break the cycle of bad R skills that you pass onto your kids.

It starts with you. Teach them well.
Ihave my kids already expressing their feelings to me.
My 3yo told me last week he didn't like the way I was talking to him. 3yo! I was amazed. Proud of him knowing how he feels and expressing himself. That takes courage for a young child.

Keep on doing the right thing.
gr8

[Redo]

See the pattern?

The way we were in our M is the way our parents were.
We learned R skills from them.

Our P's didn't have the tolls like we do today(interent forums) to help them.
So, MK, be thankful to know you are going to break the cycle of bad R skills that you pass onto your kids.

It starts with you. Teach them well.
Ihave my kids already expressing their feelings to me.
My 3yo told me last week he didn't like the way I was talking to him. 3yo! I was amazed. Proud of him knowing how he feels and expressing himself. That takes courage for a young child.

Keep on doing the right thing.
gr8

Thanks Y'all. I think this weekend i'll see if i can get away from home and go camping or something.

[spellfire]

Good to see you are really starting to "get it". Read my sig if you ever happen to forget! Controlling yourself means many different things, but a big part of it is not allowing people to treat you badly.