Standing up to the punches

[alamo76]

Hang tight, Karma. Can't imagine how you must be feeling with D-Day coming too soon. The process in Texas must be pretty fast from filing date.

[Redo]

Had a talk with lawyer yesterday. She was very nice. She basically told me that i was throwing away a lot in this settlement. I told her that my goal was to keep the peace and was hoping to get back my wife. I am pretty sure she hears that a lot

I guess at the end i figured i'll wait on the draft decree. If some of my wife's crazy requests are still in there, i'll try talking to her first to see if we can resolve it. If that does not work, I have asked the lawyer to represent me. It will get ugly, i have to draw the line somewhere.

I am regressing back a lot this week. Everyday in the morning it is the knot in the stomach feeling that a part of me is missing. I have this mixture of excitement and fear that after the divorce, if i try to court my wife back, will i be successful or will i fail...I guess i have try at-least.

[JustStunned]

Karma, retaining a L to represent you frees you from most of the drama associated with the negotiation. Their job is to represent your interest keeping you from as much harm as possible. IMO you are standing up for yourself here.

It doesn’t have to get ugly and if it does you do not have to contribute to the ugliness. Remain calm and permit the L to do what they are being paid to do.

[sparks14]

This time, cleaning home, lawnmowing
Since we have some nice biking trails in austin, perhaps an hour or two of biking if the weather is nice.

Karma - Weather in Austin has been awesome! Take advantage of it while you can. Exercise will do wonders.

Keep your head up this week. Best of luck to you.

[Redo]

Thanks. Yup, need to get motivated.
Yesterday wife informs me that she will not pursue the bonus issue anymore. I am sure her lawyer told her that if we bring everything back to the table then she will lose a lot. But she was audibly upset.

Now if we can only get the stupid taxes done. with her being 200 miles away and with finishing them this late, we have to figure out how to get signature on the forms....

Oh well one thing at a time i guess.

[2stepboogie]

Karma:

Regarding the insurance once the D is final she should come off in my opinion. Not to send any message or to gauge a consequence but because it is just the reality the of sitch.

As far giving her what she wants in order to "maintain the peace" I find this useless.

It is not about caving in to her needs or imposing your own.

It is about doing the right thing you can deny her request without being an a$$ about it.

You both have rights

You both have needs

Right now you are not meeting each others needs and that is ok so stop expecting her to meet yours and do it yourself.

When I was in OK my XW talked about how her life was crap and she was so broke.

My heart breaks for her but there is nothing I can do about it.

We all make decisions in life, some good and some not so good.

It is time for Karma to live for Karma and allow W to live for herself. You will feel better about it as long as you do it with class and love.

Being available to W or treating her with love and kindness does not make you a doormat, giving in to all her demands because you fear losing her does.

You love her, does not mean you lay on the tracks and let the train run you over.

Take care
2step

[Redo]

2Step, yup, you are absolutely right about living for myself.

For 11 years almost all my decisions have always been based on the fear that if i dont capitulate, that my wife might leave me. I think that kind of behavior is hard to break.

For a long time i actually manned up and told my wife that i'd fight her in court if she kept up some of her expectations on one particular issue in the decree. She calls me yesterday and told me that she's backing those out. lil victory i guess.

But as i said, most of decisions i made were made with fear or guilt. It is gonna take me a while to make decisions without these 2 attributes.

[Redo]

Update....

I finally got the draft decree from wife's lawyer. I guess this is it then. There are some issues i wanted to iron out before i sign these papers. I know the final act is still pending, but it does seem like the end today. It is still very confusing in my mind. Should i pursue her after this or should i just drop.

Yesterday when i called to talk to daughter, wife was teaching daughter alphabets. For each alphabet she used to associate with her family members. She never had any from my side even when we were together. It never bothered me. What bothered me was that she also never said 'N' for nana(means dad in my language). I did'nt think much of it. Yesterday she again went with alphabet-name association for her family and then also went with M for mommy. Then i interjected and said hey how about N for nana. Wife says 'she just started learning the alphabets and she has not come to N yet. So don't confuse her'. Confuse her??? N is after M !! It hurt a lot that wife still gives so much importance to her family than she ever did to me. Now i guess i cannot expect anything, but it sill hurts.

Is this the girl i want back in my life? 3 years after being married she said once during conversation that her mom/dad and sister came first. Only then it was me. It never hit me then that she really meant it. It shows now.

Just a really bad day today...

[♪CS♪]

Should i pursue her after this or should i just drop

Karma, you have done a really good job of identifying things you need to work on, and you've made progress. That is great.

But I believe you need to step away from this for a while. Fully become the man YOU want to be. Live it, breathe it, be it. You'll know when you have arrived.

Then I believe it is time to ask this question. Then you'll know if that is even what you want.

Good luck man.

[Redo]

But I believe you need to step away from this for a while. Fully become the man YOU want to be. Live it, breathe it, be it. You'll know when you have arrived.

Country, I have agree. Sad but true. When i look back at why i got here in the first place and if i look my behavior now (depressed and needy), nothing has changed. Thanks for pointing this out. If i pursue her again, it has to be from a place of clarity and strength, not from fear and weakness.