W called today after court(w a GAL)and ASKED me if I would be OK with her going to bar. Beam me up Scotty,But captain its just a human metronome......weird
Yesterday afternoon W initiated R talk says Ive been avoiding.Says she is firm in her decision to D and its "to little to late"and that this has been along time coming. Still denies affair (of course)and says that we should start to separate stuff.
I tell her since she wants divorce she can move. Fine with her. W asks me how Im gonna afford the house (rent) we are in now. I say I cant. She mentions that Its been almost two years that Ive been at my job and I havnt made full time yet (usps). Claims that "ive showed you many jobs on craigs list and you didnt want to jump at them (manual labor, 10.00 hr Me 48...sure).
I mention to her after letting her talk trash that love is a decision,she dosn't believe that,to her its a feeling. She tells me she is taking the kids and they are going to be just fine..another fantasy. drove her downtown and noticed she kept looking to see if I was crying or showing any emotion(I wasnt)I told her that I feel since she is ademant about taking this journey of self discovery that I would support that decision. That really threw her for a loop changed her whole demeanor.
Wish I could afford a lawyer,S14 gets SSI,a sizeable payment each month,she is banking on that,Income from her new job and taking me to the cleaners(3 kids) dosnt care if I can afford to live "you have skills". cold ,angry, self absorbed and arrogant.
Who is this person? 2 days before bomb we were cuddling on the couch. How can anyone be so cruel to a mate?
W graduates in 1 month feel like she set this up all along.Do I initiate custody battle because I am not going to be blind sided anymore. There are NO jobs here at all. Were I work Im on call so cannot even work @ 7-11. 2 people retiring soon and I am 2nd in line to be a regular,would be foolish to quit now.
Was so overcome by emotion yesterday afternoon that I could not get out of my own way. Have been on this board less than a month and dont know how others make it sound so easy.
Homelessness terrifies me, have no support system,all couple friends have sided with her (thanks to FB)no family to talk to ect.
I am sorry you find yourself in this situation. Some of this sounds familiar to me. (firm on decision to D, we were looking at rings the weekend before the bomb, the kid(s) will be just fine, etc.)
She is not thinking rationally right now. She is likely feeling a lot of emotions she is not showing you right now. She sees D as the only solution to her problem.
It sounds like you should be doing the LRT. Cut out any pursuing, I love yous, etc. and work on the GAL.
I would think if she goes through with the D, you should be entitled to some kind of support.
I am sure you just picking yourself up off the floor right now. When you are able to dust yourself off, starting working hard on your GAL.
Spend as much time as you can with your kids. Get away as much as you practically can. If there's something you've been interested in volunteering doing, do it. Be positive and upbeat around your W. Let her initiate the conversations.
Went to a L today and recieved a initial consultation. It feels so sureal. I might have a chance at alimony or such. feel so lost,no energy. Signed up to workout at local rec center.after pastoral counciling I will go there so I can make myself unavailable.
