DG - ditto what DIM, islander, bboom, and OMW said.
Keep focusing on yourself. You have done a lot for yourself already. You have come a long way. I think you've recognized some things you want to change and you're making progress on chanigng them - don't forget that. You also need to remember the positives over the last few days, and from what I've seen you've had a decent number of those.
I will also share something I got from my DB coach, and that's don't worry about what your H is doing or not doing, continue to focus on yourself.
When all else fails, keeping snapping that rubber band on your wrist. You're going to the doctor today anyway so you can't do too much damage .
I hope you feel better. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers. We're all here for you.
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