I am now at that point. I have been very respectful of her and do try to explain that I have nothing to do with what is going on. Of course, as you said, she believes none of it. Now I'm the untrusting one...it's a TON of projection here.
BUT I do not want to cut her off financially bc of the kids. I don't want to do anything that would jeopardize them. If it were just her and I, I would have cut it all off. My atty even said to but that would definitely hurt my kids.
I will take your advice and step away. I can't take this abuse anymore - especially the unjustified stuff.
The only reason that I am trying to be respectable is bc she has my kids and is trying to prevent me from seeing them. Since we aren't separated yet, she has possession of them and I can't do anything about it.
And the last thing I want is to be playing tug of war with them. I'm afraid she's already scarring them enough. I will not add to that.
m 40 w 38 married 15 together 18 d11, d8 bomb 12/19/10 2nd bomb 3/30/11 COMPLETELY DONE
I see a whole lot of negativity, projection, justification and spew but I don't see a whole lot written about how you handled it. Did you try to rationalize with her, perhaps defend yourself as well?
I'm not out to bust your balls here, but you need to remember that there really isn't any way your going to get through to her like you'd normally think you could. You are to blame regardless of how insane this seems, agreed?
I did try to rationalize it and was very respectful. I did defend myself to - obviously to no avail.
I do agree with you here. I will be blamed for the sun not shining today. I understand that. She knows what she did was wrong and has to throw it on me.
The two things I'm doing wrong are listening to it and then letting it bother me.
Both of which I am stopping now.
thanks again, man.
It's so hard to hear but good to know that this is a pattern.
m 40 w 38 married 15 together 18 d11, d8 bomb 12/19/10 2nd bomb 3/30/11 COMPLETELY DONE
The kids, do what you need to do to protect them...
If that means getting temporary custody, getting them into counseling, then do it.
That needs to be a priority.
They are going to be pawns in this as long as you continue to allow it by trying not to rock the boat...
Over here, we are HUGE on the kids...
That is one of those non-negotiable things...
You have to be a parent and do what is best for them, regardless of the effect it may have on your MLCer...
I would talk to your lawyer about this ASAP...
Beyond that, I want to ask you to slow down a bit...
You are I knowing everyone here, and I'm not sure if you are really absorbing the information you are receiving...
We have been there...
We understand what you are going through...
You may think we are stupid and have no clue to the urgency of the whole situation, that we never had all sorts of garbage spewed at us, and what not...
Believe me, if you search these archives, there is nothing that you have posted so far, that hasn't been posted on these boards already...
You have a wealth of experience at your fingertips...
Learn from our mistakes...
Instead of making them yourself...
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
I so appreciate the comments and do respect what others have gone through. I'm fighting for custody. I can't have my kids in this environment any longer. They have been through too much as it is.
m 40 w 38 married 15 together 18 d11, d8 bomb 12/19/10 2nd bomb 3/30/11 COMPLETELY DONE
There will never be a shortage of people in day to day life telling you to hit the eject button and just let her have it, "give her what she deserves."
I'm not under the impression that that is the type of person you are or want to be, however those people will be right there to tell you it's OK. "Especially because of the kids DAMN IT!!" (The kids are always a safe reason)
Be careful, because you can make that line more blurry than it already is.
Right now you are getting the squeeze man. Whatever is inside is gonna come out. Whatcha got in there man?
fish, you are dead on. I do get that and it does sway me but then I sleep on it and think rationally.
This all just plain old [censored]. I never thought it could ever be this bad but I'm looking to you vets to know what to expect and how to try and play it.
m 40 w 38 married 15 together 18 d11, d8 bomb 12/19/10 2nd bomb 3/30/11 COMPLETELY DONE
well, now I'm in a pickle for sure. I took the girls out to dinner last night and they told me the MIL has been talking bad things about me. She said I was drinking again, that I was sleeping with other women when I was with their mommy, that I beat her.
All LIES. I told them it was lies and that sometimes adults say things to hurt each other that aren't true. I asked my Ds if they believed that and they said no. I told them that I love them very much and that anything that has to do with Mommy and Daddy has to do with us and not them. We BOTH love them very much.
I then talked to W about it and she didn't deny it but she did say that I was saying the same thing. This is a blatant lie. I have NEVER talked bad about either my W or my MIL to my kids. My kids are pretty smart kids and know what is going on. They will say things like, why if only 1 in 4 wants a divorce, do we all have to?
I got accused of saying that to my EIGHT year old. I did nothing of the sort. When she asked me that, I said that a divorce is only between a mommy and a daddy. Both don't have to want a divorce. My W is telling me that I'm trying to turn them against her...it's insane!
Also, the older D doesn't want to live with W. She told me that many times. I NEVER led her to believe that this could happen OR encourage her. I tell my W this and she says that the D is simply trying to play us off each other...YET - when the same D tells W that she wants to live with ME, W accuses me of telling her that!!! So it's only convenient when it benefits the W!!! The D is saying the EXACT SAME THING!!!
I want to fight for them bc what they are doing is wrong!
Now, I can't even talk to the W bc she wants all communication to go through...wait for it...the MIL!!!!
this is just insane...At least I'll be talking to my atty today...
m 40 w 38 married 15 together 18 d11, d8 bomb 12/19/10 2nd bomb 3/30/11 COMPLETELY DONE
One more thing. I called the MIL last night to politely ask her to refrain from saying derogatory things about me to the girls. I said it was only hurting them not me - the intended victim. She backpeddled and said that THE GIRLS asked her and she simply gave them answers. She said that I wasn't a bad guy but that it was the alcohol.
Unfreakingbelievable!
THEN - I talk to my oldest later that night - she called me on her phone. She said that MIL and W got the two girls together and asked, "Who broke the pinky swear?" She basically bullied them!
I need to do something about this. Any help? PLEASE???
m 40 w 38 married 15 together 18 d11, d8 bomb 12/19/10 2nd bomb 3/30/11 COMPLETELY DONE
