I appreciate the thoughtful replies I have received thus far. I was hoping to get a broad range of feedback and opinions on my situation, I am hoping a few others read up and reply.
QUESTION: Anniversary is coming up now in less than 3 weeks. Do nothing? Don't even say anything?
She is almost totally ignoring me recently One word answers, acts as if just wants me to go away any time we are even in the same room together. She does not speak at dinner hardly at all. Generally her attitude seems to be going downhill, getting worse, and disconnecting more. Here are some of our typical recent interactions:
Me: Good night Her: uhgng (kind of just a grunt)
Me: Good morning Her: morning (in a sullen didn't want to answer way)
Me: Did you find the map you were looking for to take your parents? Her: Yup (as she walks out the door, answering as if shame on me for even addressing her)
Me: (nothing said at bedtime see if she says goodnight) Her: silence also
Me: What are our dinner plans this evening (do I need to plan dinner for kids or what)? Her: Don't know (walks away)
I am considering just not saying a word to her. Absolutely nothing at all unless it is necessary for kids or something. I think she will just feed off this and be happier she is deciding to end it because I am so untalkative and mean.
Her parents are visiting now and it seems to be stressing her out very much. At dinner last night, her mother said "we really want to babysit and you guys can get out for dinner" - she answered "we will have to look at our schedule and see what we do. Basically just putting it off with no plans to do it.
Her parents know nothing. I think she may be planning to tell them (what, I don't know). I hope she tells me when she tells them something and tells me what, but I do not expect it.
I am half expecting a bomb of some kind when her parents leave, as if she has been keeping the basic peace until they have had their nice trip and she shows them a good time.
Still struggling every day. She does not exactly avoid interactions with me, but rather ignores me as much as possible. Rarely if ever looking at me or in the eye, including when briefly talking. It comes and goes good and bad, but more and more days are just disconnected totally from her now.
I am trying to just let go of my anger and hurt, just let this ride out in whatever direction it goes. I think she is very certain she wants things to end. I know her, and her attitude, and how she deals with things, and I see it in her eyes, interactions, and actions, that she really just wants to go home, and leave me period. I am still further having a hard time with it, but trying to accept the reality of it.
So I would write more about our interactions here, but really there are very few, and those that we have are deadly isolating. She did sit with me to watch a TV show Tuesday night, but I think it was because of the stress of her parents arriving, nothing else.
I am tired of leaning on my friends and family, spilling my guts, and having them have to deal with my challenges.
Finally, I will be asking her in this next week if there is any reason my parents should not visit (in May). She previously said it was fine, but before my parents make final arrangements, I am giving her a last chance to tell me anything that might change that before it affects my parents and the money they would lose if they booked and then did not come.
