My boss asked me how it was going today, so I filled him in on my situation. It was refreshing to speak with someone new, but uncomfortable at the same time.
I realize that my wife has sufferred a great deal due to my emotional abuse. My communication skills need work; massive understatement. I can often feel a "rage" before it starts, but I lack the skills to manage my emotions without blowing up.
I'm open to all suggestions on how to have a discussion without being dismissive, demeaning or nasty.
I'm in the military and will be speaking to the Padre tomorrow. I'm not a religious person in the traditional sense, but our Chaplain seems like a pretty open-minded guy.
But let's be honest here. You enjoy abusing her. Is that correct? I mean I don't see any other reason for it. You've got some issues and enjoy taking it out on her because she's an easy target.
If you know the problem is your anger, then you get it taken care of. Figure out what's causing that. It's not your M that's a problem. It's YOU. If the roles were reversed, you would have left a long time ago. You're LUCKY your W has stuck by you so far.
If you're serious about saving your M. Save yourself first. Prove it to everyone here. When is the DEFINITE date that you are going to go in for counseling? If you come up with an excuse as to why you can't, or don't believe in it, etc. then you might as well draw up D papers now and free your W from an abusive H.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
IC is taking a little longer to arrange than expected; not an excuse. I certainly don't enjoy abusing my wife and I realize that I have a serious anger/communication problem. My wife continues to be supportive, which I'm extremely thankful for. We're talking and coninue to work on my issues.
Understandably, my wife is realy sensitive to the tone of my voice and how I respond in general. I have a tendency to forget my past outbursts, and my wife is quick to remind me.
I'm optimistic that I can get my relationship back on track.
My wife and I recently returned from a trip. On the way home, my wife said she noticed a young girl smiling at me; news to me, not a clue.
Regardless, she was upset and I was not supportive. I became angry at being accused of knowing this person, whom I've never seen before. Rather than staying calm, I became indignant and dismissive. My verbal attack continued through the airport, tainting the entire return journey.
I've been unfaithful in the past, and issues of distrust are prevelant between my wife and I.
Does anyone have advice, know of any books or reference material to help me deal with my anger and gaining my wife's trust.
I'm aware that the easist way to gain trust would be to stop getting angry; however, if it was that simple, no one would be angry.
Early this morning, my wife awoke after dreaming that she was having a panic attack. She was extremely upset by my lack of compassion, especially when we were in the airport on the way home. Actually, that's an understatement; I've been abusive throughout our marriage, and she's not putting up with it anymore. I know she loves me, but it must be excrutiating for her to stay in this relationship.
I have trouble talking with my wife about my behavior because I've lost all credibility with her, and I continue to act out. The situation with my wife would likely improve if I could keep calm for more than a day or two. I realize that I won't be able to make progess unless I learn to discuss sensitive issues without getting angry.
Another IC session last night. I feel better now that I'm speaking to someone about my issues, vice trying to deal with things on my own. The true test will come when I can have a real discussion with my wife, or respond to her questioning, without getting angry.
My relationship continues to suffer because my anger has continued. I'm just now realizing that the appropriate response to issues of distrust should be reasurrance, vice defensiveness.
I don't know if my wife will hang on, or whether I've damaged her too severely. I really hope I can get my act togethor and my relationship back on track.
My wife likes to lay in bed on Sunday mornings and talk. Frankly, talking makes me nervous because it always ends badly. I flip out, get angry. As my wife says "another opportunity to mend has been lost".
Is there a forum discussion on how to talk to your spouse, after 24 years of angry outbursts, infidelity, adoption, etc?
