Take The Long Way Home...

[FellOnBlackDays]

Part 2

So, as explained on the post earlier, I was kind of stern about some things with my w on Sunday night. In essence, I think she realized I was not a doormat and I was going to take charge in some ways.

Monday night, I call her as I was supposed to so that we could get together and exchange some things. She answers the phone and is very short with me. She keeps giving me one word answers to everything and I could tell she was aggravated. So, after a few minutes I ask her if there is something wrong. She says no. I say I don't think you're being honest with me. She explodes into tears. She starts telling me that she is broke, she can't pay me the money she owes me, she won't pay me until she talks to a lawyer. Then, she starts telling me that she believes I am out to get her and she is scared of me. She is crying and rambling. I was very disturbed by the her tone. She tells me she never got out of bed all day and missed work. She seemed like a wreck on the phone.

I took a deep breath and asked her politely to relax and listen to me. I then begin to tell her it is OK to feel anxious about this as this is a very tough thing we are going through. I tell her I imagine that calling me does make her nervous and that this sitch is making me anxious also. I tell her that I don't want her to be afraid of me and that I never intended for her to feel that way. Honestly, I don't know why she does? I was completely calm and never once raised my voice or attacked her in any way on Sunday night. I spoke to her in a loving and kind tone during the entire meeting on Sunday night. I continued to do so on Monday night during our call. I explained to her that this process has been hard on me also and I have struggled with it. She began to calm down. I said the following, "Since we are both having a hard time emotionally with trust and anxiety, why don't we take just a few days break from the entire thing. Let's just call each other once a day over the next few days and not discuss the R or the D or any of the crap associated. Let's just talk like friends and regain some trust. To show you I am serious about this, don't worry about the money you owe me for now. Just forget it. Let's just enjoy each others company and later in the week we can pick up the D talk again. OK?" She stopped crying. She agreed. She seemed relieved. She then said, "Well, I might need more than one night before I call you. I am going out with girlfriends on Tuesday night and I don't want to be upset in front of them. Maybe I will wait and call you on Wednesday." I stated, "That is perfectly fine with me. I will be here. Call me if you like." I asked her if she was OK. She said she was better. We hung up.

30 minutes later, I texted her and told her again to relax and that it would be OK. She thanked me. I felt much better about where we were and went to bed relaxed and slept well.

So, tonight, I am eating dinner and the phone rings. It is her. I answer. She makes 30 seconds of small talk. I crack a couple of jokes, just silence comes back. She immediately launches into talk about her getting her health insurance through work and how I can drop her now. Then she moves to dental and vision and how she won't be able to get this until July. I just keep saying, "OK, that's fine," as politely as I could and smiling the whole time. She then starts asking me about contacting my A and why he isn't calling back and what is taking so long. I told her he has been in court all week and has not had a chance to get back to me. She then informs me she took all the info I told her on Sunday night to another A and that A is disagreeing with my A. We agreed on Sunday night to use one A to cut expenses. Now, she has someone else involved. At this point, I am beginning to get pissed, but I don't show it. I start to look for an out. I tell her that I was eating and I ask if I could call her later. She tells me, "No, I won't be available tonight to talk to you. I will be out. You can call me later." From there, I am steaming so I politely say, "Fair enough, I will talk to you later" and hang up. This leads me to a couple of questions:

1) WTF happened to us taking it slow???? WTF happened to us not discussing the R, the D or any of the settlement for a couple of days???? WTF happened to just being friends so that we could each just calm down a bit and have some brief piece of mind??? (My DB coach was right. Anytime I try to speed things up or take control, she loses it or slows things down. But, when I try to slow things down, she gets pissed and hammers the throttle.)

2) How can someone too broke to pay me the money she owes me spend two weeknights out on the town????

3) How in the hell did she go from being a panicked mess on Monday night to a cold, calculated business person tonight? There was nothing really pleasant about our contact tonight. It was like I was ordering a pizza over the phone.

I am not happy right now. I think I was once again played. She used her emotions to get me to let her out of the money she owed me, got me to admit I am struggling with the D also and then went right back to her cold-hearted self tonight. I can't believe I fell for this sh*t!!!! This is the third time she has pulled this and I have fallen for it every time.

So, True, Mr. Bond, any of you, please tell me why I shouldn't just go completely cold on her also. Tell me why I shouldn't tell her the next time she sees me she had better have a check in hand????

I am tired of her games. For 15 years, I would have given my life for this woman. Now I am some sort of toy on a string to her. This is very disturbing and I do believe a true sign that this entire relationship is very, very over. What a horrible, horrible person she has become.

Well, go ahead. All of you tell me how I am wrong...

FOBD