Now you are talking! Get out there and LIVE. I like your list, and that your Daughter is pal'ng with you. My own D's have been great. You sound on a high, enjoy it, but try to not be discouraged when the next drop happens. It will. It's inevitable, I still hide under the covers a day or so every now and then. But I view it differently, now. It's all part of the up and down, but the more you accomplish while on a high, but better for you and the longer the high will last; the shorter the drop.
Thank you all. I am not so much on a high, but giving myself a stern talking to. I am still gripped with depression, but I am starting to walk out of the desert, instead of just lying in the dirt. I am telling myself, "yeah, you go girl." H does continue to call each day for a few minutes. I have been contacting him about financial stuff ... some stuff came up while he is away that needed his signature.
Trying not to worry about the looming annual MRI.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Hi, it is difficult to over estimate the effect that being depressed has, plus your annual scan is coming up. Many people in MLC have a terror of abandonment, and a serious illness in their partner can seem like being abandoned, and create a hostile or withdrawing reacton. This is at a very deep level. I am sure that my first bout of cancer started by xh's steps towards MLC, and getting it again + his mother's sudden death last year, has prolonged his MLC. He did show some signs of ermergin about 16 months ago, but is now deep deep within the tunnel, probably deeper than ever before.
Your h is probably dealing with your health issues in a typically MLC way - denying his real feelings, which inspire terror in him, and burying himself in work. Just a thought.
Doesn't alter the fact that he is withdrawn and you are facing all of this alone.
Beatrice, it makes sense. His mother is also ailing with altzheimers, and he probably feels guilty about not visiting her more often (she lives in our home country). She also left the family when he was 12 years old ... he came home from a camp, and she had moved out to live with someone else. She did visit them every day, until his dad remarried and the stepmother didn't want her there. He's had a hard childhood, emotionally speaking. He had everything a kid could want, except parental stability.
So, I guess he does have a lot of abandonment issues, but he wont't do counseling.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
They don't see it as abandonment - I didn't either until I had therapy and read books, then it all made sense. The last thing these guys want to do is look inside them. They live with the pain by ignoring it, suppressing it, and pretending it isn't there. As a result they are numb to most finer feelings, and pretty unempathetic with others.
Yeah. My H wasn't even worried about my spending a weekend with my exBF in Belgium. He says he's not jealous of anyone or anything. He should've been very worried. If there is any exBF I would be tempted doing anything with, it would be this one. I guess H doesn't care enough to be jealous or worried. Emotionally barren, and I think he always was; I just didn't see it until he had the A or I wanted more.
Oh well! His loss.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Yes, it is no way to live. I think that these 'late' MLCers, the ones in their late 40s and fifties when it starts, do realise they have 'missed' something, emotionally and that it must be our fault. Of course it is them, but they do not realise this, sometimes ever
