I just want answers. I just want the truth. How long have they been together ? It could have been years. Were separated and he still can not be honest with me. What does it matter now, he left. I have let him go. Why can't he even be upfront with me now ?
Me:43 H:43 T:20 YRS M:15 YRS Bomb: 6/9/08 Bomb#2 7/6/10 Served with papers at work 7/13/10 DD:14, DD:11
Because deceit is what they do! Even if you did know all these things, what difference would it make? Would you feel better? No. I think what we all wonder is "how didn't I know?" and we think if we know when it started it will somehow prevent it from happening to us again in the future...but it won't. Every time you open your heart to another you take a risk and we either will do so again or we won't. Move on Shelby, it's hard but you'll be OK!
Shelby, you will have those days and weeks where you feel like you're back at square one but just remember YOU'RE NOT! It's a rollercoaster with highs and lows, that's the nature of the beast. Hang in there
oh Shelby, I know it hurts hon)))) sooo btdt...take wii's advice... the R you had with him is dead, no use trying to find who/when/where... there is no answer he can give you that you are going to like... it will just drive you crazy and you will press for more details and you might get your curiosity satisfied but at a great price... please please, for your own good, don't seek anymore... the more I found out the angrier and hurt I got, it was a vicious cycle that was eating me alive, I was prisoner of my own resentment.
When he comes around, just be you, you don't need to put up a show for him, be courtious, and best of all, be gone, the less time you send around him the better, I found I healed much better if I did not see ex often. You were married for 20yrs, you are not going to heal in a couple of months, give yourself permission to hurt and acknowledge the pain, embrace it, and let it go.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
My STBXH has been so secretive about everything. He won't give me or his own mother an address of where he is living.( I stopped asking months ago) he just keeps his whole new life a secret.
I recently found out the address of his new place and found out he is living with his GF. He still has boxes and boxes of his stuff here that he just won't take with him. How wrong would it be of me to drop off these boxes at his place while he is at work. 1. It would let him know I know where he is at. 2. It will let him know I know about his GF, that he keeps denying that he even has.
So, have I lost my mind ? It would be a total 180 for me. Because up till now I have been passive.
Mind.
Me:43 H:43 T:20 YRS M:15 YRS Bomb: 6/9/08 Bomb#2 7/6/10 Served with papers at work 7/13/10 DD:14, DD:11
What exactly would you hope to accomplish by this? And where are you at in your divorce process?
Frankly, I held my tongue on a lot of things while going through the divorce, because I didn't want to provoke any blow-back that would affect our financial negotiations. (And by the time the divorce was done, I didn't care anymore! lol)
If you make him feel shamed or cornered, is it likely that he might retaliate by changing some of the terms of the divorce agreement? If so, I would wait until the day the divorce is done.
He had me served in July 2010 at my work. And since then nothing... We have not moved forward at all. He pays for all the bills. Nothing in writing. Nothing has moved forward legally.
Me:43 H:43 T:20 YRS M:15 YRS Bomb: 6/9/08 Bomb#2 7/6/10 Served with papers at work 7/13/10 DD:14, DD:11
