Anybody's WAS in IC?

[Redo]

But now I see it is an ingrained behavior I think thats key. My wife kept telling me that my behavior that i carried from childhood into my adult life was hurting our marriage a lot.

I wanted to change. I understood how i was damaging my relationship. But (1) I could not find the right help within the time wife gave up totally. (2) Everytime i wanted to improve my behavior, i went back to my ingrained behavior as a child using defense mechanisms i used as a child. This again i could not figure out properly because i never got the right help from the right counselor.

1: I would really take time to find the right help. I think that is key.

2: If your husband is trying to change sincerely but seems to be falling back into ingrained patterns, then help him understand that and see if he can respond positively. But yup, your husband cannot use his childhood issues as excuses to get a free ride.

3: Personally this helped me a lot (albeit lil late). I read this book called 'hang on to your NUTS'. This book does touch upon the 'inner child' issues that some guys might have and how to calm that down. See if your husband is willing to give book a shot. It helped me understand what it would have taken to be the protective husband by wife was looking for.