Anybody's WAS in IC?

[meganna]

KD, I do not think H is the problem, I have many things I can improve as well. I just want him to get to a point that he wants to try to save the M, if only for the sake of the kids at first. We were going along just fine (not great, but not fighting, just not as connected to eachother as we could/should be, which was both our faults for not nurturing the R) before the bomb, which was dropped after he was already involved in an EA. Since that day he has become a stranger to me. How could that NOT be MLC? What kind of logically thinking person abandons their home, wife, kids, etc with no plan for what comes next? And he continues to refer to the fact that he's discovering how messed up he is by his parents.

I wish brief therapy was enough, and I did believe that could help us at the beginning of all this, but H is a very selfish person, and with all the new info about his childhood, I am beginning to understand why. If he cannot work through that and learn to put others (the kids, me) above his own selfish desires, I don't see how our M can ever work. It has bothered me for a long time, but I always thought it was just a matter of him maturing more, or me saying the right thing to get him to see how selfish he's being and then he could decide to change it. But now I see it is an ingrained behavior, maybe a defense mechanism, and he cannot just "shut it off." So he needs to revisit his past and heal himself. It is just unfortunate that he couldn't have realized this sooner so it wasn't tied up with R problems.