I have done what the MC has said and have not brought up R or coming back home talks when I have been around the W. No phone calls, no pressure.
I have seen positive changes in myself over the last few days. My maturity as a father has taken a lead in my actions when I am with the kids. I had my dance/dinner with the family last night and had an incident with oldest daughter. Long story short, she got extremely upset and threw a huge fit, the likes I have never scene from this child. Old Hank would have lost all control with his anger and whatever embarrassment that daughter caused would have been double by me. Not now, I didn't care what the other parents thought of me, I talked and talked and talked until I calmed her down and all was forgotten. Before the night would have ruined, yesterday was but a blip on the screen of a great night.
Unfortunately the negatives still control my thoughts. The constant thinking of the unknown future still has a stranglehold on my day to day actions. My thoughts go from one minuet that W and I will work on things to that W is just using me and will not make a decision until I force her hand. Example:
The first dance/dinner after I moved out I followed family home and waved night to kids in driveway. W told me following week that this really riled up the kids and made her job difficult and asked that I do not do it again. Kids continue to ask each week if I can do it and I have told them that I can't. Was asked again last night and told them no, but W chimed in and said that it was ok and I could help put kids to bed. So I was thinking great, more family time. We leave the restaurant and heading to cars and W asked if it would ok to swing by Kohls cause she has 2 coupons that expire that night and needs 2 people to use them. I say that it is fine and we go for about twenty minuets and then head home and I can think is that the only reason she said I could follow and wave and assist in putting to bed was cause she need my help at the store. She just used me.
She tells counselor that she doesn't know what she wants but kisses my good bye every time we part. She says that I am pressuring her but ask me to go to picture taking with her and kids this weekend. she has no problems with me watching kids at the house when she isn't there but still refers to it as her house. She said yesterday that this weekend is HER time with the kids but asked me to go with them on saturday, asked me to watch kids at the house saturday night. Going to church as family on sunday and after that going to birthday party for friends with family. It is so confusing!!!
My family and friends say that I am being to easy on her and that she needs tough love for her to make up her mind. This board says be patient. I change from hour to hour on how I need to do things. I will end with this, at MC she said that she really doesn't miss ME but when we are together as family or couple I have great time and I see nothing but smile and hear jokes and get kisses from her. So what do I do? Do I pull back and break off contact with her so she can miss me or do I take the opportunities to spend time and break her wall down one good event at a time?
