Yesterday afternoon W initiated R talk says Ive been avoiding.Says she is firm in her decision to D and its "to little to late"and that this has been along time coming. Still denies affair (of course)and says that we should start to separate stuff.
I tell her since she wants divorce she can move. Fine with her. W asks me how Im gonna afford the house (rent) we are in now. I say I cant. She mentions that Its been almost two years that Ive been at my job and I havnt made full time yet (usps). Claims that "ive showed you many jobs on craigs list and you didnt want to jump at them (manual labor, 10.00 hr Me 48...sure).
I mention to her after letting her talk trash that love is a decision,she dosn't believe that,to her its a feeling. She tells me she is taking the kids and they are going to be just fine..another fantasy. drove her downtown and noticed she kept looking to see if I was crying or showing any emotion(I wasnt)I told her that I feel since she is ademant about taking this journey of self discovery that I would support that decision. That really threw her for a loop changed her whole demeanor.
Wish I could afford a lawyer,S14 gets SSI,a sizeable payment each month,she is banking on that,Income from her new job and taking me to the cleaners(3 kids) dosnt care if I can afford to live "you have skills". cold ,angry, self absorbed and arrogant.
Who is this person? 2 days before bomb we were cuddling on the couch. How can anyone be so cruel to a mate?
W graduates in 1 month feel like she set this up all along.Do I initiate custody battle because I am not going to be blind sided anymore. There are NO jobs here at all. Were I work Im on call so cannot even work @ 7-11. 2 people retiring soon and I am 2nd in line to be a regular,would be foolish to quit now.
Was so overcome by emotion yesterday afternoon that I could not get out of my own way. Have been on this board less than a month and dont know how others make it sound so easy.
Homelessness terrifies me, have no support system,all couple friends have sided with her (thanks to FB)no family to talk to ect.
