Anybody's WAS in IC?

[meganna]

Karma, yes H has talked with IC about his childhood. In fact, in our 2nd MC session, the C started asking him about his family/childhood and he got very upset. I hadn't known he had lingering issues, and I'm not sure he did either before that day. After that session he decided he needed to work on himself and couldn't work on us. He has continued to go weekly for the past 2 months, but has since also told me he feels we're done.

I can only guess at his issues based on things his sister has told me since the bomb and what I know about his parents. H never told me any of this, so it's speculation. His mom is a nurse, dad is a teacher. Mom worked evenings (3-11), dad worked days, so the kids spent most of their time with their dad. H's dad is a very quiet, emotionally isolated man. SIL told me she felt she was neglected, dad ignored her and she barely had a mom. She said she was never told ILY or I'm proud of you, and when she was upset she would go to her room because she felt she couldn't show emotion in front of anyone, and her mom never came in to comfort her. H and his sister are 7 years apart (H is oldest) so his experience may have been a bit different being an only child for 7 years. H had an uncle who he recently said was "the dad he wished he had" who went MIA about 10 years ago and was apparently diagnosed with Asperger's. I know he was deeply hurt and confused by this.

H's story with why he's not happy with me changes. First it was "we've lost our connection" which is true, with 2 young kids. More recently he told me I rejected him sexually and emotionally and we always had to fight when he wanted to go out of town for a guys weekend. I can see how he felt somewhat rejected sexually, but I would argue that he rejected me emotionally when our first child was born. He actually had panic attacks when I was pregnant and went on medication, which he continues to take to this day. He wasn't very supportive after she was born, she was colicky and I was exhausted and he wasn't much help, so I felt resentment.

I guess what it comes down to for me is I can't see how a rational person could blindside their spouse with all this unhappiness that they kept to themselves until they felt it was too late. And that they wouldn't even TRY to save the M for the sake of their kids. And how timely that these childhood issues surface at the same time....

H has always been selfish to varying degrees, and one theory I have is that he is stuck in childhood. I'm not sure if he felt he had more attention and when his sister was born it took away from him (hence the panic attacks at having a baby come into our home) or if he, like SIL, never got the attention to begin with and felt neglected. Which would explain why feeling neglected by me hurt more so much.

I dunno. More than you wanted to know I'm sure. My entire sitch is in MLC under MLC Purgatory if you're interested.