Sandi, no offense taken. Not sure if I'm understanding right -- did you mean that my wife saying she's annoyed is actually meaning disgusted and disrespect? And by coached, do you mean she's trying to convince herself (using words that are not her own) to divorce me?
Anyway, I'll be heading out to the courthouse soon. I've filled out the paperwork such that I've left the "Respondent requests dissolution of marriage" and "...due to the following reasons" sections blank, because I am not the one REQUESTING the divorce.
No, no.....I'm not saying your W is disgusted. I was saying that disgust and disrespect was the feelings I had when I was a WAW. It just seems like "annoyed" was.....IDK, kind of odd to describe reasons for wanting a D, especially after saying you were.....what did she say....abusive, nasty & mean? I just wondered if someone was helping her out with a "word list". Crazy!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Alamo, I think leaving that section blank was the right thing to do and you have the right reasons for doing so.
We can only speculate how our WAS feel. To Sandi's point about how she felt, I think the more my W saw me responding positivly to her pressure and manipulation the less she respected me and the more she attempted to gain control.
Walk your path. Hold your head high. Exude pride.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
No, no.....I'm not saying your W is disgusted. I was saying that disgust and disrespect was the feelings I had when I was a WAW. It just seems like "annoyed" was.....IDK, kind of odd to describe reasons for wanting a D, especially after saying you were.....what did she say....abusive, nasty & mean? I just wondered if someone was helping her out with a "word list". Crazy!
She said she was annoyed with me after a conversation we had the other day. When I thought about it later, it intrigued me that she used "annoyed". I WAS mean, abusive and hurtful to her, Sandi, so I don't think she needed help creating that list. But I get what you're saying. Maybe someone instructed her to repeat that mantra over and over again to remind herself why she's pursuing this divorce, even though my wife herself may be having second thoughts.
I think the more my W saw me responding positivly to her pressure and manipulation the less she respected me and the more she attempted to gain control.
May I ask how did that strategy work out for you between you and your wife?
Ouch, my son told me that I'm scary and mom isn't. I asked if it's because daddy is serious and mad so much, he said yeah. I know it's a simplistic view of a 3 year old, but it does give you pause. I know I'm stern and have rules, so I hope it's the daddy in me, not some side my son sees all the time and that I've been blinded to.
On another note, my wife pulls up at 6:11pm and is talking on the phone with her dad (the car dealer boss man) and then she says "YESSS" with her arms raised. Then she hangs up: "Bye Baba, love you too!"
She looks at me and says, "I'm finally getting a new car tomorrow. This car was overheating on me today." I just nodded, "Uh-huh." My wife says, "He just couldn't find one this whole time, until he had to today."
Some of you remember me "mourning" back in February that my wife was going to sell the car we got married in... well, it's finally happening, and I feel...almost nothing. Sad that today was the last time I probably saw the car, but I'm not overly distraught by it. Goodbye Maxima -- rest in peace.
I had a short conversation with God yesterday evening, and I started asking him if whether fighting the fight is even worth it anymore. I wondered to Him -- in the light of my wife barreling at light speed towards divorce and wanting nothing to do with her old life (save for our son) -- if there is any love in her left for this. Packing up things around the house has also made me tired and disappointed (at myself, mostly) that all three of us are missing the good things of being in a relationship, a family. I let it slip through my hands, and now my wife is doing the same.
During that conversation, I also realized that my grumpiness and negative attitude have been creeping back in my everyday life. This morning I kept catching myself talking smack about other drivers, but the next second I was back at it again. On and on the process went. In other words, I am backsliding, and I need to fix this RIGHT NOW. I mean, even our son picked up on it and told me yesterday that I'm "scary" because I'm "serious".
If you're reading this and see a 2x4 opportunity, please bring it...
Overall, it's a really sad, depressing day for me.
No need for a 2x4 when you've already whacked yourself. It's so easy to fall back into old patterns when we feel so down. I know it's hard to think positive about your life right now, but truly...better days are ahead as long as you continue to trust in God to work things out for your good.
((hugs))
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
No need for a 2x4 when you've already whacked yourself. It's so easy to fall back into old patterns when we feel so down. I know it's hard to think positive about your life right now, but truly...better days are ahead as long as you continue to trust in God to work things out for your good.
((hugs))
Thanks so much, Sandi. I think I've been backsliding (especially my grumpiness/temper part) for the past couple of weeks now. I think it started during my last BIG negative conversation(s) with my wife, if you recall. Perhaps I'm totally frustrated and impatient with life, myself and God. Don't get me wrong, I have many good days in any given week, but there are days like yesterday and today that hit you like a rock.
This is an excerpt of what one my forum mates on my porn recovery site posted on my thread there a few minutes ago:
"You said you asked God if this was worth fighting for anymore. I am far from being God, but I do know what you want in life right now, and that is having your family together. It may not always end up the way we want it to be, but I say keep fighting. nothing is over until it is over, and there is no point in fighting. I remember you saying you still have 6 months to fight, before the divorce is final. since you said that, why do you even ask if it is worth fighting for. You love you family, you want your family, so don't give up. You also said that you are leaving this in GODS hands. If you are still doing this, then you need to keep fighting. Has God told you yet that it is over with your family? I don't think he has."
I need to begin living my day, everyday, trusting in Him completely. It's hard in today's fast-pace corporate, hustle & bustle world, but that's just an excuse.
Hmm, all that talk about when a wife stops complaining, it's when she's stopped caring, has gotten me thinking:
If you've kept up with my thread, my wife still has her tantrum, snide-y, and rude days. I see that as complaining (combined with resentment), so she does care still.
What I wonder within the context of this discussion is regarding her good days. When we're able to be nice and civil, it's usually seen as a good thing, but what if that's her really not caring at all? For example, LBRers have good days when we don't allow the bad get to us. Well, what does a WAS (who's done and want to shed all semblance of you) do on his/her good days? They live their lives without the usual guilt or depression, or at least to a much lesser degree.
