Question About Anger

[meganna]

Brief recap: My H is in MLC, has had an EA and moved out. We have 2 young daughters 4 and 2, who he now "babysits" 3 days per week for a total of 15 hrs or less per week while I work. The bomb was dropped 2.5 months ago.

I am currently extremely angry at my H (not expressing it to him, but in my head and out loud to myself when I'm alone). I am angry that he is so selfish that he has basically abandoned his daughters and the majority of their care. I'm angry that he says he doesn't want to even try to work on the M for the sake of the kids. I am angry that D4 is crying every day because she want's daddy to come home so we can be a family again. I am angry that he is choosing himself over the kids. I feel there is NO excuse for not TRYING to save a M when there are kids involved.

My question is, what should I be doing about/with my anger? It sometimes scares me how often I rage at him in my head, because I don't want to "feed the fire" and have it burn out of control. But don't I need to go through this stage of grieving? I do find I can tell myself, when I start fuming, that I don't want to think about this right now, and distract myself with something else, but then later I will find myself thinking about it again without even realizing. It's like my default thought, my mind always goes back to it unless I'm occupied by something else or consciously forcing myself to NOT think about it. Should I keep "thought stopping" or should I let myself go through this anger stage, or should I set a time limit, like once a day I can think about it and "thought stop" the rest of the time?

Again, my main goal here is to not be consumed by the anger, because I believe it only breeds more anger. Although it is completely justified, it is also wasted energy and emotion, right?