I've been lurking here for a few days, recently found the site and ordered a couple of Michelle's books. A lot of you are going through very similar sitch and it helps me a lot to know that. I'll try to make this as brief as possible and fill in details as people request them. Together 9 years, married 3, no kids. Back in Dec, W seemed disconnected, I asked if we were drifting apart and "no, we're fine, everything's good". Me (assuming it was all in my head) took that as an answer. I started hearing rumors about the OM from friends and coworkers in Jan. W and I talked in mid-January and she said that's she not happy and hasn't been for a few months. I asked her if she had any idea why she is unhappy and she said "everyone I work with says you don't treat me well and I'm a fool for staying with you". I asked her if she could give me some examples and she listed two small incidents from the week before. She said that she would cut off all communication with the OM while we worked on things. I immediately started doing more around the house to help her, paying more attention to her and begged to go to a MC. She was adamantly against MC, I then suggested reading some books on the matter. I read them within a couple days and asked her to, she said she wasn't ready and that she had to take baby steps. We avoided R talk and just focused on enjoying time together. Towards the end of Feb, I asked her if she thought we were on the right track and her response was "I guess things might be a little bit better". This was very disheartening bc of how hard I had been working on it. I told her I wanted to see an IC bc I felt like I was at my wits end, she became very upset about the idea of me seeing an IC, so I canceled the appt. The rumors became much worse and early in Mar., I confronted her with evidence of a EA and some form of PA that was actively going on. Neither one of us got really upset, I told her that I was done playing games and she just told me that she wasn't sure if she loved me at all anymore and left. She stayed with her parents for a few days and then moved in with a coworker (not the OM). We talk on a fairly regular basis and see each other a couple times a week. She says that she has cut off all ties with the OM, but needs to figure herself out, she has no remorse for the EA/PA and says she thinks she has this bad streak that she has repressed for too long. She has cut off most ties with family and any non-coworker friends. Communication has been slowly dropping off every week she is gone (I do not bring up R talk at all anymore since she left). I do not initiate texts/phone calls unless it is necessary (bills, schedule changes, etc). She has agreed to see an IC and has a few sessions in. I don't know what to do and appreciate any feedback. I am working on GAL so I don't come across as needy/clingy. I felt like I was forcing her into spending time with me, so now I just let her know if I am doing something fun and she is welcomed to join if she wants. I just recently started this, so I will see how it goes. Great forum and I appreciate the help.
