I understand your points, but I have to ask the question, what does it mean? What is the action?
My understanding here is that Denver is much further a long in the process. He spent months thinking about these things, making changes, etc while his W was not. She has a lot of catching up to do.
Here is the thing...
Denver has spent months thinking about these things, however, he is playing the victim role as much as he is enabling her to play the victim role.
Denver learned to DB to win his M back...
He had the goal of reconciliation squarely in his sites. And he has come very close to getting there.
He hasn't DB'd enough to move beyond that goal though. Towards what a relationship looks like. And that is something that his W is seeing.
He wanted/wants to hear the words, you have changed enough and I made a mistake, I want to come back. I was wrong from his W.
Beyond that, nothing, IMO.
Allowing her to play the victim, isn't really an option either, she is gonna have to work on her stuff...
However, Denver is now playing the victim equally. He hasn't moved past the A. Because she hasn't said what he wants to hear. He hasn't set any sort of boundary, because he is afraid that she will decide to walk.
If she does that...then he has not met his goal.
Problem with all of this, is that with no more goals beyond reconciliation, no idea of what he envisions for the future of this relationship, with her still wanting to repair the M that is dead and gone, and him hopefully working toward a new relationship, they are working toward opposite goals.
That will NOT be successful.
Yes they both have to own up to their parts of this, eventually. She has to be ready to do that in her time.
It is up to Denver to decide if he can be patient enough to let her get to that point...
In the meantime, he can sit back, work more on himself, figuring out what he actually wants and needs in a relationship, giving her the time and space to begin to work on herself and watch to see what she does.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
