Standing up to the punches

[Redo]

Weekend was a downer as usual. I plan so many things for my weekend. lawnmowing, cleaning house etc. I get nothing done. I just sat and watched TV all day long

These are things in your control!

How attractive and exciting are you being?


I needed that 2x4. I always give excuses for myself to feel down. Seems like changes i worked on my self in feb have gone out of the window. Okay...next weekend i have to do better.

[gr8 day 2B alive]

Okay...next weekend i have will to do better.

[~¤DG¤~]

You can do it!
Don't beat yourself up over it. Just hold your head high and vow to be better to yourself. You deserve it!!!

[Redo]

Thanks Y'all. Somehow all our friends disappeared after our D news got out. I read that friends will usually be in a bind as they are not sure whom to support. Right now i am having to seek out friends to hang out with me. But since all of them have kids, it would be hard. I think i'll just get an early start on my GRE prep. Maybe it will take will take my mind off on the ugly D process we might end up having.

[gr8 day 2B alive]

i can relate to having friends who are all M and not being able to get out with you.
How about joining a gym or other group. Go out be yourself for dinner and talk to the person sitting next to you.
Build your social skills. That's what becoming attractive is all about. Be happy with yourself.
If you are not happy with who you are, how can you expect others to be happy with you?
Happy can be interchanged with love.
Love yourself, other will too.

[Redo]

Journaling...

I started writing some poems yesterday. I used to write rhyming poems back when i was in school. Now every time i have a fond memory of my daughter or wife, i feel like i should put it down as a poem. I think it best describes the state of my mind...

I am meeting my L today. I think i'll just put down what i'd been working with wife until now and ask L if things are fair or i am digging a hole for myself. But i dont plan on retaining a lawyer to represent me unless wife decides to not back off some unreasonable requests she has made. I still feel bringing lawyers into this will just make matters worse.

wife is now back to interpreting daughters words for me when i talk to daughter on the phone. I like to hear my wife interpret. My family is still surprised that i still have feelings for her. Hard to describe it. It's funny. My family asks me how i could love her when she threw me on the street. I cannot explain. But i still love my wife. Yea she does not even ask me how i am doing even though she knows very well that i have 0 support system in the US. But i understand that right now for her I am just a stranger. Some days i do have thoughts as to how and why i should get back with a person like her who has zero feelings. But then i convince and justify that she did have feelings. Right now they are dead.

[Still learning]

So what do you have planned for the weekend?

[Redo]

This time, cleaning home, lawnmowing
Since we have some nice biking trails in austin, perhaps an hour or two of biking if the weather is nice.

[Redo]

My biggest problem has been when i encounter families or kids. I cannot stop myself from breaking down in tears. It is quite embarrassing. I saw this cute family in the grocery store one day and just broke down. I am still unable to control that emotion for now.

[Still learning]

Sounds good. Anything you'd like to do that would get you out meeting people? Organizations, volunteering, etc. You mentioned GRE prep - what subject? Maybe there are people you could study with. I looked around at the local YMCA and found some things, and offered to coach soccer.

I know it can be hard to meet new people, especially when we're not at our best. But it can be really helpful. For me the trick was finding things where I could meet interesting people but things that weren't huge committments, which would stress me out.