Anybody's WAS in IC?

[Redo]

meganna: I can totally relate to what you are going through.

I had childhood issues. I mean that i am only child and my parents fought a lot. I ended up not knowing how to deal with conflict situations and freezing when they happened. I too have been to IC a lot so that i could resolve my issues and make peace with them so that I could work on my marriage. Unlike your husband though, i did realize that my issues were creating problems in our marriage. Unfortunately for me, my wife decided that she could not put her life on hold while i try to fix myself.

If your husband is going through a similar thing, understand that it does take a good deal of introspection to figure out how your actions are affecting the marriage. Thats the easy part. The hard part is modifying these behaviors that are so ingrained. I tried for years to fully modify myself into a 'new' person that my wife wanted me to be. After all these years and her filing for divorce, what i finally realized is that you honestly cannot expect your husband to become a 'new' man. If you are hoping for that, you are in for disappointment. What is possible though is coming to a compromise on some of his behaviors so that both of you are happy with what you receive from each other. See my wife just kept waiting for me to become this 'new' person. When finally my IC told her that she will need to accept me for who i am and not what i could be, she could not deal with that reality.

Sorry for my rambling, but yea i can understand how much these things can wreak havoc in a family. My wife also felt that she did not want our daughter going through the same stuff that i did because somehow she had formed in her mind that i was mimicing my parents.

I'd say try to explain to your husband about your fears. Discuss what parts of his behaviors you'd like him to improve(not change). Accept that these things will take time and will not happen in your expected timeline. Maybe with time, his old behaviors might go away, or they might not. But if you think you love your husband and the only things you dont like are some his behaviors attributed to his childhood, then work with him on it and set yourself realistic expectations on his behavior changes.

sorry for all that rambling.