Tough situation to be in. It is better than her wanting to go through with a divorce, but not by much. I am going on 18 months with this limbo state.
When the Bomb was initially dropped on me, I went for IC and the first advice I received was not to expect any change in my wife's attitude toward me. My IC is female and she stated that women are very unpredictable when it comes to these situations. Even though we may have made huge changes and have become the husband they have always wanted, in alot of cases they will not come back. Its just the way it is. She did not have any explanation, only that each woman is different.
All you can do is focus on being a better person and father. In my situation I don't do any of the following:
1) Tell her that I love her 2) Tell her that she looks nice 3) No touching of any kind 4) I sleep in the basement 5) No gifts 6) No dates 7) No planning of outings with friends or family
We live simply as 2 people sharing the same home. I wouldn't even go as far as to say that we are 2 friends sharing the same home.
It is not easy. Each day is like climbing Mt. Everest. I wake up in the morning to nothing and go to bed at night with nothing. Certainly not where I thought I would be at this point in my life, but at this time I still think it is better than putting my 3 kids through a divorce.
You just ahve to be patient, make sure that you never slip and keep trying to improve yourself at every chance. As others have said here, your next objective is to get her to the friendship stage. Until then, I would park any thoughts of being anything other than room mates.
