Denver

I have been sitting back so you will have a chance to let some of this great advice sink in.

A few observations and questions.

First I see your W still playing the victim.

Ok you did some things you're not proud of and you have looked at WHAT you did and more importantly WHY.

When we gain this awareness we start by feeling horrible and guilty about our choices and our behavior.

We set about changing those things in ourselves.

Now

Where is you W in this process?

You have said you are on eggshells yes?

Why are you on eggshells?

What are you afraid of?

That she will not choose to come back to the M?

Or

If she comes back that she will choose at some point that you are not acting the way she needs you to act.

Then

She will walk away?

She is still the victim in her mind here and you are the perpetrator.

I am sorry my friend that is the way I see it.

And you are reinforcing it by pleading with her and apologizing and doing everthing you can so she will consider reconciling.

Who committed the greater crimes in your M?

Well if your going to value the crimes and the punishments then do it.

What if I said someone walking away is the greatest crime in a M? More than emotional abuse that caused it?

One man's festering wound is another man's salvation.

It all very personal to the person so you will end up arguing who was the bigger a$$hole.

My point?

Your W has to stop being the victim here and seeing you as the perp.

Otherwise how can you trust her not to run to the next OM who makes her feel special.

You can either reinforce this idea of hers or not participate in it.

Which one will give you a NEW marriage and one that YOU can trust?

This will take some fortitude and courage on your part because it means letting her be free to make her choices.

And you

Understanding that is the only path back to a healthy M.

My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am